


Human Incarnate

by Quefish



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angry Crowley (Good Omens), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Character Death, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), First Time, Friendship/Love, Healthy Relationships, Human Aziraphale (Good Omens), Intimacy, Kissing, Learning and Growing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Natural Conflict, Oblivious Crowley (Good Omens), Personal Growth, Physical Intimacy, Post-Apocalypse, Relationship Arguing, Scene: Aziraphale's Trial in Heaven (Good Omens), Sexual Content, multiple character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:21:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quefish/pseuds/Quefish
Summary: The trials have gone as Crowley and Aziraphale had hoped, until Crowley is given a warning by Gabriel while being escorted out. Heaven had a back-up plan. Aziraphale hasn't Fallen, but his Grace and Divinity was removed, rendering him human.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 79





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a real departure from my normal fare, please be warned. The tags will change as the story progresses, but be warned, this is not a happy ending. It may feel good sometimes, it is a romance, but it isn't happy.

As Crowley had made his way around while wearing Aziraphale’s corporation, there was a rather consistent itch over him. It wasn’t painful, being in a holy body, it was more the feeling of when salt water dries on your skin, causing a mild irritation until you wash it off. He made his way around London, keeping himself rigid and proper. He only reverted to his natural inclinations when he met up with Aziraphale wearing his own body, circling loosely around the angel. 

Standing around in Heaven, everything that touched him was more of that little sting. Nothing painful, not like when he waltzed into a church on his own two feet, but definitely noticeable, that rub of Grace against his Demonic essence. The Hellfire felt like a warm bath, a spot of lotion soothing that itch for a moment. Making the Archangels jump and cringe in fear was even better. He was shown to the escalator fairly quickly after that, escorted by an angry and humiliated Gabriel.

“We will be leaving you alone, for now. But you’ll be back.”

“I wouldn’t count on that, Gabriel.”

Gabriel gave a tight non-smile, no teeth and he clapped him on the shoulder. “About 30 years or so. Well, maybe. I guess it depends on those 30 years, eh Sunshine?”

“I’m not sure I take your meaning.” Crowley bristled at Gabriel’s tone, at being touched, and being called ‘Sunshine’.

“Well, I didn’t really think I’d need it, of course, but I had a Plan B. It was actually Uriel’s Plan A, but Sandalphon can be persuasive, so we went with his instead. Personally, I don’t care either way. End result is the same, I just lack patience.”

“That’s a shame, it is a Virtue after all.” 

Even the non-smile disappeared now. “Get out. See you in a few decades.”

Crowley straightened his tie and waistcoat and confidently stepped onto the escalator. 

~~~~~

Crowley slouched on the bench carefully, taking care with Aziraphale’s clothing. He was surprisingly light, free, feeling good. It took him almost ten minutes to realize that he wasn’t itchy anymore. He didn’t pay much attention until other things became known. His heartbeat, a little heavier than normal. Breaths deeper. His back had a twinge.

He did a quick assessment, his Demonic essence reaching out, looking for the fault in the system when he realized it fully. There was no push-back, no zing of brushing against something Holy. He panicked, but there was nothing Demonic to be found either, outside of himself. Aziraphale hadn’t Fallen, but he was no longer an Angel. They’d stripped him of his Grace, his immortality.

Crowley sat on the bench, a little straighter in concession to the now very human limitations of Aziraphale’s body. How would Aziraphale react to this? Should he tell him? Crowley scoffed. As though he would lie to him. Maybe he just wouldn’t give it back. He knew the pain of losing, he wouldn’t have wished that on very many beings, but never Aziraphale. 

He was still trying to figure out when a slightly stiffly sashaying figure came into focus and took a seat next to him on the bench. They were quiet for a few moments, simply feeling the relief of both being there.

“So, how’d it go downstairs?”

“Much as expected, I suppose. Trial, a list of your crimes, a bathtub of Holy Water provided by an Archangel.” Aziraphale leaned a bit, conspiratorially. “You know, I could feel a certain melancholy as the Archangel Michael poured the Water. I almost thought it was mourning for the destruction she was participating in, but it felt deeper. I do believe it was personal, perhaps relating to that stain I cleaned in your flat?”

Crowley had long suspected that he wasn’t the only demon with an angelic contact. Falling didn’t destroy all of the friendships or bonds. Most demons took great offense at the thought of working with Upstairs, but others saw the opportunity for insider information trade. Others simply liked the company, in a nostalgic kind of way. On one occasion that he knew of, it was a falling in love situation that then didn’t end after the Fall. On only one other, it was falling in love after the Fall. His heart gave a hard thump at a sudden and sharp reminder that he was going to lose Aziraphale someday. 

“Yeah, Ligur. Was hoping to catch both, but at least one was better than none.”

“The most talkative in the bunch accusing was Hastur, as you suspected. But he seemed angrier after the bath than even Lord Beelzebub. But it was definitely born of extreme terror and shock.”

“Hmm, he was probably having retroactive regrets. When I was threatening him in my flat, the only reason he got brave was because he saw a drop of water land on me. He was probably having that realization that I hadn’t been bluffing and he actually had been close to death. Theoretically.”

“Yes, theoretically.”

“Do you think they’ll leave us alone now?”

“At a guess, they’ll pretend it never happened.” Crowley gave a small noise of agreement. “Right, anyone looking?”

“No. Why?”

“Well, I just thought. Shouldn’t we swap back?”

Crowley’s newly necessary heart gave another harsh thump and he felt tiny pinpricks over his skin. He wasn’t ready for that conversation. “Not yet. Maybe we should give it a bit of time. And definitely in private.”

“Right. Of course. Private would be the more sensible decision. My apologies, I suppose I am just eager to be back in my own skin.” He gave a small smile which Crowley was surprised to discover looked rather good on his face. 

They shared a bit more chit chat before heading off to the Ritz for an early supper.

~~~~~

“I don’t know how they did it, but they stripped you of your Grace and everything Angelic. You’re human.” 

Crowley looked at himself in the mirror at the bookshop later that evening, muttering to himself. “No, that’s awful. No way to say that. Who am I kidding. There _is_ no way to say it. At all. I can't screw this up. Not this.”

“Crowley? Are you alright?” Aziraphale came around the corner, holding a bottle of wine and two glasses. “I know, it’s a bit disconcerting. I am, of course, used to looking at you, but not having you copy my movements. But we are safe now, we can exchange now.”

“No!” Crowley turned quickly, startling Aziraphale with his exclamation and movement. “I mean. Why not have a few drinks. I’ve seen you drunk, wonder how you feel when you’re drunk.”

Aziraphale looked at Crowley, perplexed. “Well, yes, I suppose. But now that we know we can, there’s nothing stopping us from trying this again.”

Crowley froze in his tracks. That was a possibility he hadn’t considered. Aziraphale _had no magic_. He hadn’t even tried any sort of manipulation yet. Had had no need. What if they _couldn’t _change back. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. It was one thing to think to offer to take over the burden, to give Aziraphale the choice. Was another for Aziraphale to have been evicted. Well, nothing for it.__

__“Angel, we need to talk. About what happened Upstairs.” He sat heavily on the sofa, leaning on his knees._ _

__“Yes, I had been waiting, but you seemed so reticent.” Aziraphale sat down, looking at the wine he’d brought out and leaving it unopened on the table. He had a bad feeling about this._ _

__

__“Can I get some of that good whiskey, Angel. I’ll need it.” Aziraphale did as he was asked and they sat silently as Crowley drank a glass quickly, refilled and started sipping slowly._ _

__After a few minutes, faster than he was used to, Crowley began feeling the relaxation seep into him that he was expecting. Was it because Aziraphale naturally felt it faster, or because he was human? He groaned and put his half empty glass on the table, dropping his head into his hands._ _

__“There was no trial. No listing of crimes. Just a chair, ropes, and then a pillar of Hellfire. Gabriel telling me to shut my stupid mouth and die.” Aziraphale’s mouth gaped slightly. He’d known that Heaven wasn’t exactly in the comforting or gentle business, but he hadn’t anticipated outright viciousness._ _

__He listened to Crowley’s account of what happened, wanting to pull a smile at the bit about breathing Hellfire, but there was no mirth in Crowley’s voice. It was monotonous, and the lifelessness of it concerned Aziraphale more than anything._ _

__Crowley relayed the conversation at the escalator. “I didn’t know what he meant. How could I?” Aziraphale nodded, he didn’t understand the conversation either, but he had a feeling Crowley had figured it out and this was why he didn’t want to …_ _

__“Have, er, have I … “ Aziraphale had a flash of fear. Defying Heaven … he couldn’t even finish the question._ _

__“No. Although I’m not sure which would be worse at this point. Damnation … or mortality.” Crowley looked up at Aziraphale, tears blurring his eyes. His color shifted from hazel to gray to blue sometimes, and the light blue was sorrowful, apologetic, and afraid._ _

__Aziraphale took a breath, started to speak, stopped. He licked his lips, hoping that would bring words easier. It didn’t._ _

__“I’m so sorry. I don’t … I can stay in here, if you like. I can’t imagine it feels great for you, sliding in Damned skin, like sand in a shoe. But it’s not like this.” Crowley’s voice became a whisper. “That is a discomfort sentence. This is a death sentence. I don’t want that for you.”_ _

__“I wouldn’t want it for you either, my dear.” Aziraphale shifted in his seat. “There was so much I was hoping … “_ _

__Crowley nodded. “Yeah. Me too.”_ _

__The two sat in their own thoughts. Crowley was amending all the plans he’d had, places he wanted to visit with Aziraphale. Aziraphale was thinking that Crowley was wrong, he wasn't uncomfortable anymore. He had assumed it was because he'd gotten used to being in Crowley's body, but it was because there was nothing to react to Crowley's demonic essence. He crumbled in on himself a bit at noticing it. He also realized there was no longer an option of ‘going too fast’. He abruptly stood and came to sit next to Crowley on the sofa, taking his hands. He swallowed._ _

__“Give my body back, my dear. You are so much stronger than I am, but I won’t allow you to rescue me from this. There were a number of risks involved, this is honestly a rather mild possibility if you think about it.”_ _

__Crowley gave a humorless chuckle. “Mild. You went from eternity to 50 years at best. I went from endless possibilities to losing my best friend.”_ _

__Aziraphale nodded. “I understand all of that, I do. But, can you imagine if that body discor- er. Died? What would await you in Heaven on arrival?”_ _

__“You have a high opinion of my destination, Angel.” He heaved a sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Well, I won’t take away the choice, as much as I wish I could. I have a hard time denying you anything.”_ _

__“I do hope that continues to be the case. I can think of a number of requests I am going to have soon.” Aziraphale gave a weak smile, an attempt at levity. “The first being, and I am sure I don’t need to ask, but I do desperately need to hear it, and perhaps would even deserve it … Don’t leave me?”_ _

__Crowley squeezed Aziraphale’s hands as hard as he could. “That. Won’t happen. Not ever. I may even stop sleeping, just to watch you sleep instead.”_ _

__“Oh! Oh my, I suppose I’ll be needing to do that now, won’t I? And all sorts of other … oh goodness. Could I perhaps ask you to adjust the shop to include, er, a toilet? It was never high on my priorities before.”_ _

__Crowley hiccuped a sniffling laugh. “Yeah, anything you want.” They looked at each other, afraid, sheepish. “Right, well, I don’t want you coming in blind. It’s going to feel weird. All of it. But the most jarring is about to be … you know that light feeling that you always have? Like cool silk over your being? It isn’t there. That feeling of actually being larger than you are, and that warmth in you that contrasts that silk feel? Also missing. It feels empty, wrong. Nothing replaced it, which is the one thing I am grateful for, but it feels hollow. And Angel, I am sorry, but it is going to hurt.”_ _

__Aziraphale nodded. “I already feel it, you know. I'd not noticed before. The lack of discomfort in your skin. Nothing Holy to scratch against the Demonic influence. So, my dear, don't worry, I understand.”_ _

__“No, you don’t. Not yet.”_ _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale swap back and experience the first hours of humanity.

Aziraphale was curled in a ball on the bed, his arms wrapped around his middle, crying, sobbing, wailing. There were words, but none were understandable, or even needed. Crowley understood, he knew. 

He had pulled Aziraphale up the stairs into a flat that now existed as though it always had and sat him on the bed before offering again to stay in his body for him. Aziraphale again declined, and Crowley did the work of swapping them back. He put up an occult Do Not Disturb that would act as a soundproof, knowing that it would become necessary.

Aziraphale had given a small gasp and shake, patting down his front and finding it the same as it had always been, he started to think this wouldn’t be so bad after all and that was when he felt it. The spot in his core where his essence, his ethereal soul as it were, had always been. He couldn’t decide if it felt like a gaping empty hole, or a cold and lifeless boulder, but the physical pain was stunning. It didn’t matter, it was what it was, and it wasn’t _him_. His eyes widened as a sharp question burrowed into his mind. _”Who, or what, am I now?”_ He had then fallen back on the bed in vigorous, terrible mourning.

Aziraphale didn’t really have any awareness outside of himself for a while, other than feeling Crowley’s long arms wrapping around him as he broke. He sobbed himself into exhaustion and fell asleep in Crowley’s arms, never noticing the tears freely falling from the demon’s eyes as well.

~~~~~

Aziraphale woke later in the night, still wrapped in Crowley’s arms. 

“You stayed.” Aziraphale barely even recognized his own voice. It was small, and scratchy from crying.

“I told you, never leaving. If you want space, tell me, but if you want, I’d never leave your side again.” Crowley’s voice was low and his eyes wide. “Except, I’ll be right back, you need water.”

Aziraphale huffed a small laugh and nodded as Crowley went to the new bathroom. He came back with two glasses of water, handing Aziraphale the first. “Figured you’re going to … heh, yep. Gulp it down. You’re dehydrated. Here. Sip it this time.”

Aziraphale had looked a bit embarrassed as Crowley accurately guessed how thirsty he would be but there was nothing for it. He started on the second glass slower. “I do wish I could think of anything to say other than questioning what do I do now.”

“I’d have been shocked if you could. Time didn’t really exist at the time, so I couldn’t tell you how long I wandered, lost and confused after the Fall. We all did. I think you should just get water in you, and figure out how to use the loo, and then sleep until morning. We can talk more then.”

The man nodded and they sat in silence as he slowly finished the water, before taking both glasses back to the bathroom and shutting the door. Crowley watched as the door clicked shut before allowing his sorrow to morph. Adding another little Do Not Disturb, he felt Fury, a rage he couldn’t recall ever knowing before, not even when he had Fallen.

A primal scream tore through the room before words started to form. Questions, a demand for answers, accusations, minutes of it, until the demon began to lose steam. The words changed and he slowly drifted to his knees, arms limp at his sides.

“Please don’t do this. Don’t let it happen. He doesn’t deserve it. Please … he is kind, and gentle, and loves. A bit of a bastard, but compared to what You’ve got going on Upstairs? He enjoys all Your creations. I know he sins, but again, the stuff You have going on at home … Please.”

His head dropped, and his chin rested on his chest as he let the tears fall again. He didn’t notice Aziraphale come back into the room until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jerked and scrubbed his hands over his face before turning to look up at him.

“Everything alright? Well, as alright as they could be?” Crowley smiled weakly and it was mirrored on Aziraphale.

“I suppose. Messy business. I should express my gratitude to you, I’m glad you didn’t eat much this afternoon. I shudder to think what _that_ will feel like.” Aziraphale did in fact shudder a bit. “Also, I am grateful for all of the little amenities and whatnot you thought to add. I appreciate your rather thorough attention to details.”

Crowley nodded before standing up. “Yeah, well, had to. Can’t leave you out, can I, ang- “ He sucked in a breath and his eyebrows came together. Aziraphale also snatched a breath. “I … “

Aziraphale shook his head and then nodded, his curls bouncing. “I know. And maybe someday I won’t mind, but for now, perhaps just my name, or if you have something else in mind, would be better.” Aziraphale’s shoulders slumped. He’d already lost everything, and now his nickname. His beloved nickname if he were honest with himself. His nose tickled as he felt tears prick his eyes again. He blinked, exhausted, he didn’t have it in him for more crying just now. A yawn cracked his jaw and he looked up at Crowley who gave him a wan smile. 

“Bedtime for you, Aziraphale. Do- d’you even own pajamas?” Crowley wasn’t sure that Aziraphale had ever slept in his entire existence. This was confirmed when he received a shake of the head. “Well then, here you are. One of a kind.”

A set of pajamas, tartan, appeared in Crowley’s outstretched arms and Aziraphale smiled before his smile wobbled. “What, what’s wrong?”

“They are lovely, but may I ask a favor? Could you possibly, not use that particular tartan? Tartan is stylish, only this one was … “ Aziraphale looked upwards and by the time he’d rolled his eyes back down, the pajamas had changed to a different tartan. One with blacks, reds, whites, and blues. He let out a relieved breath. “Oh, thank you, my dear.”

“I always thought that was something you designed yourself?”

“It was, but it was based on colors and patterns that were more common in Heaven’s clothing. I don’t believe it would be right to represent that way anymore, and I’d rather not be reminded.” He took the pajamas with another sad smile and headed back to the bathroom. 

Crowley paced, Blessing himself for not having thought of that. “Got to do better. Got to.”

Aziraphale came back out and carefully hung his clothes in the wardrobe before turning to Crowley. “Perfect fit, and they feel wonderful. Thank you. And for the colors as well. Our own.”

He climbed into the bed asking Crowley what he was thinking to do. “I can’t imagine you’ll want to stay here, bored all night. And you have your plants to care for.”

“I’ll check the plants when you’re awake to come with me, if you want. I’m serious.”

Aziraphale yawned again and nodded. “I do feel terrible for asking, but yes, please. Would you stay? I know it is silly, but I am … well, I believe uncomfortable and concerned would be adequate descriptions.”

“You can be honest. You’re afraid. You’ve never had to be before, not really. I’ll stay. I’ll just be downstairs, alright?” Aziraphale nodded, again expressing his gratitude. “You don- you don’t have to thank me for everything. S’not why I’m doing it. Get some sleep, yeah?”

Crowley watched in the doorway as Aziraphale laid down, curled on his side, and closed his eyes. He watched a moment more before backing out of the room leaving the door open. He made his way downstairs and stared around the room, his eyes falling on Adam’s additions to the bookshop. “‘Not going to have to worry about anything.’ Not what I was expecting, kid.”

He pulled out a book at random and put it back, recognizing it as one he’d found for Aziraphale. He had to look through eight more books before finding one that wasn’t swimming in memories of their life before. He settled down on the sofa hoping this would be some sort of distraction, but of course it wasn’t. His thoughts never stopped and he spent the rest of the night having never even opened the book.

~~~~~

After Crowley had left the doorway, Aziraphale waited until he heard the creaky bottom step before opening his eyes again. He sat up slowly and looked around the room. Other than the clothing in the wardrobe, nothing in the room was familiar. It was all to Aziraphale’s taste, but was all newly created by Crowley. Oh, dear Crowley.

What was he going to do about Crowley? He was terrified to be alone, and yet convinced he’d be a tiresome burden. He couldn’t expect Crowley to actually stay. Maybe for a while, but eventually he’d grow weary of having to take care of him, he was sure. He’d become bored and Aziraphale would be holding him back. He couldn’t do that to him. He loved him.

Aziraphale felt the now familiar tickle of tears at the thought. He loved Crowley, so how could he anchor him from being the chaotic, free thing he was? And how unfair that Crowley had never heard him say it while they had been equals. Crowley would think it was convenience, or taking advantage, not the slow burning build it had been.

He wiped his tears on the blanket and yawned again. This was becoming rather tiresome, this whole, being tired business. He took a deep breath, there was one more thing he wanted to do before falling asleep. He brought his hands together and closed his eyes.

“Hello, this is the Princ- … the uhm, _former_ Principality Aziraphale. I- I don’t know-” He took another slow breath. “You may not get this message, but if You do … I don’t understand. I do, I suppose. Wasn’t always the best angel, but I did do my best, I believe, in caring for and loving the humans as You commanded. I am grateful to still be alive. I still believe I did the right thing, and if that is true, then this was also part of Your Ineffable Plan. So, I suppose I appreciate still being part of it.

“I’ve never lost faith, which I suppose is why I didn’t Fall, so I would be reassured that You know that.”

Aziraphale looked around the room, letting his hands fall and twist in the blanket. He hadn’t expected a response, or even an acknowledgement. And if everything was still going through the Metatron, well, he wouldn’t be surprised if it never got through.

He shook himself and wiped his eyes again before lying down and exhausted, fell into a fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley being their new normal.

One of the first things they decided on was what to call what happened. Crowley was at a loss, not knowing how to describe it that wouldn’t be a terrible blow to the chest every time. The only thing he put his foot down on was that Aziraphale most definitely had not Fallen.

“Perhaps not in the way that we are used to, but we need to be honest, my dear, there was a definite downward movement.” Aziraphale was curled around a mug of spiked cocoa, he figured he deserved it regardless of the early hour. He took the occasional sharp breath when he noticed the empty sensation again.

“Yes, but it’s not the same. You haven’t been Damned. How about Tripped. You didn’t fall, but you aren’t where you used to be?” Crowley was nursing a likewise spiked strong coffee. 

Aziraphale rolled that in his thoughts for a few moments before nodding slowly. “Alright, that feels … not good, obviously, but an acceptable euphemism. Thank you.”

They held up their mugs in a weak salute. 

~~~~~

The next weeks were spent using a high number of demonic miracles getting Aziraphale proper documentation. He’d never needed identification, or a passport or anything like that. A birth certificate was created, and a record in an orphanage that was slim on details. It was better than trying to create a hefty backstory. Bank accounts, and financial records and investments were shifted from the miraculously updating. Aziraphale insisted that they be jointly in Crowley’s name as it would make sense later when … Crowley had given a sharp look before Aziraphale finished the thought. 

“I suppose I should consider selling the bookshop and my collection. I’d not burden you with it later.” Aziraphale looked around wistfully. 

“Why would you do that already? Stay, be an eccentric business owner. We can always retire later. Of course, if you want to retire now, we can do that too.” Crowley may have teased Aziraphale in the past, but everything was different. All told, Aziraphale’s depression was noticeable, but Crowley was stunned at how matter of fact Aziraphale was being. He’d have been worried if he didn’t know that he saved it all for when he went to bed, often crying himself to exhaustion. As much as he wanted to take the pain away, there was nothing he could do except offer comfort.

“I suppose. It isn’t as though I don’t have more time, after all. I could run the bookshop for another few years, retire, and then travel the world. See all the places I never made it to before.” Aziraphale was always careful not to say ‘we’ in his future plans. He didn’t want to imply any obligation to Crowley. 

Crowley noticed it every time. It hurt. He knew why Aziraphale was doing it, but it hurt. He wasn’t sure if it was because Aziraphale didn’t think he’d want him around, as a reminder of what he’d lost, or if it was because he didn’t think Crowley would stay. He’d only slipped up on calling him ‘angel’ once since the first time, and the excruciating look on Aziraphale’s face guaranteed that he’d never make the mistake again. The look was just as bad as the few times Aziraphale had instinctually attempted to use a bit of magic. Other than getting him set up as a human, Crowley’s own magic-doing had diminished a bit as well in sympathy. 

“Well, why don’t we make some travel plans now? Take a little trip before you start up the shop again?”

“Do you think I should? Shouldn’t I jump into being human right away?” Aziraphale had a look on his face that Crowley recognized well, and it made him smile. This was the ‘I know I shouldn’t so I just need a little nudge’ face. He gave him a soft but serious smile.

“You’ve done that already. You are human, don’t force yourself into the same kind of misery that takes over the everyman. You’re miserable enough already, don’t look for more.” He waited for a moment for his words to sink in. After a few moments, Aziraphale nodded. “There you go. So, what shall we do first?”

“What would you say to a spot of lunch?”

~~~~~

Aziraphale was sitting on Crowley’s sofa, listening to his idea of plant care. It had been over two months now, and Aziraphale was almost in a habit now. One of the obvious yet unexpected changes was to his diet. He’d eaten as he always had, and despite the new adventures in bodily functions, he’d not thought twice about it until one morning he took note of his trousers being more snug than he remembered. All told, that was an easy change to enact. The quality and variety stayed the same, his portions became smaller, and they took more walks during the day. Simple really. 

Very little else had changed, other than Crowley becoming a fixture at the bookshop. Aziraphale had been very grateful for it on one occasion wherein someone had the unfortunate idea to attempt a burglary. He was quite sure that every life choice of that young man had been re-evaluated in the seconds after encountering Crowley’s anger, and then changed, along with his trousers, the moment he arrived home. Aziraphale tried to find it in him to feel sorry for the lad, or be upset with Crowley, but he’d been so shaken by it, the show of his own vulnerability, that he simply couldn’t do either.

Aziraphale dithered as he tried to read his book. He’d been thinking of pursuing a closer relationship with Crowley, had been terribly fond of him for so long, but how to start such a thing? He tossed around a few ideas before settling on something that appealed to him. He went to the plant room, knocking on the door as he poked his head in. 

“I’m going to pop out for a bit, my dear. Won’t be long.”

“I’ll go with you.” Crowley put his mister down and turned back to the door.

“No, no. That’s alright. Just need a moment or two to myself. Be back before you know it.” He smiled reassuringly and reached out, giving Crowley’s forearm a squeeze. “Don’t worry, I have the mobile telephone you insisted I always carry, if anything goes wrong.”

Crowley nodded, still worried. His friend hadn’t been the most observant before, sometimes stepping out into the road without taking cars into account. But, he couldn’t smother him. It wasn’t until the door had closed that Crowley moved again, and then surprised, looked down at his forearm questioningly.

~~~~~

“I am looking for something out of the ordinary. My friend is a bit of an expert, you see, so I’d like something that would strike his fancy.” Aziraphale gave the shopkeeper a rough outline of Crowley’s personality and walked out about thirty minutes later with a lovely purchase. 

He was beaming as he made his way back to the flat.

~~~~~

Crowley wasn’t pacing. He was simply indecisively wandering his flat in a repetitive manner while Aziraphale was gone. And he wasn’t worried. He was experiencing a healthy amount of concern. He looked at the clock. Aziraphale had been gone for just under an hour. He pulled out his mobile and checked for messages, brought up Aziraphale’s number, hovered over the call button, closed it. He couldn’t smother. He resumed his not-pacing, pausing when he heard a huffing nearing his door. Striding over, he flung the door open, seeing Aziraphale carrying a potted plant. The blonde looked up and pouted.

“Oh, you were supposed to let me knock. I had it all planned out.”

Crowley’s eyebrow arched and he snarked back. “Want me to go back in?”

“Oh, would you? That would be marvelous!” Aziraphale knew very well that the demon was being sarcastic and smiled sweetly.

Crowley made a face, took a step back, and shut the door with a slow click. He waited just inside, staring a hole through the door, waiting.

Aziraphale waited for a count of 30 and then reached out and knocked. He put on a smile as the door opened.

“Hello, Aziraphale, what are you doing here, wasn’t expecting you.” Crowley drawled, hanging loosely from the door and eyeballing the plant.

“Oh, now you’re just being silly.” Aziraphale stepped past a gaping Crowley and chuckled. “I had gone down to the shops because I wanted to do this right.”

“Do what right? And what is that?”

“Ah, this is an Ajuga reptans, also known as a black scallop bugleweed. I wanted to bring you something that you didn’t already have, and something that you would hopefully enjoy that would also fit your aesthetic.” He placed the plant on Crowley’s desk for inspection. “You see, I needed to purchase and gift you something as lovely and unique as yourself, if I wanted to begin courting you properly.”

Crowley had been looking over the plant, feeling its leaves when the last words of Aziraphale’s statement made their way into his ear. He looked up slowly, unsure if he’d heard what he thought he had, but upon seeing the fidgeting, blushing blonde, he knew there were no mistakes. 

Crowley blinked. “You what now?”

“Well, I have become rather fond of you over the years, my dear. I hope you understand at least part of my reticence to do anything about it. When we were at the Dowling’s, and I believed we would succeed, I had thought a number of times of how I would like to approach you after the Apocalypse. Then, well … “ He made a loose gesture towards himself with an indecisive flair. “I wasn’t sure that you’d believe my intentions weren’t born of fear, or that you’d want to be tethered in such a way to me, being so unequal now. And of course knowing … well, knowing what the future will hold.”

“What kind of stu- have you lost your sense?” Crowley stared at Aziraphale, agog. Aziraphale wilted a bit before Crowley continued. “‘Course I want that! I don’t care that you Tripped, you’re still you. When have I ever given you the idea that I didn’t want you?”

Aziraphale brightened and his hands gave an excited little shake. “Well then, I can’t tell you how, well, how amazingly happy this makes me. May I ask you out to dinner? A proper date, then?”

“You’d better.”

Aziraphale laughed before taking Crowley’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “Crowley, I’d like to take you on a date, out to dinner, anywhere you like.”

“I literally thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> https://www.plantdelights.com/collections/black-leaves/products/ajuga-reptans-black-scallop-pp-15815


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship conversations.

Aziraphale and Crowley progressed in their relationship fairly quickly, all things considered. After the first few actual date-dates, they were relaxing in the backroom on the sofa when Aziraphale suddenly became serious.

“Crowley, my dear I am aware that … well, I’ve treated you very unfairly over the years, centuries, even longer. I would be terrible to ask you to forget about all of that and-” he stopped as Crowley made a shushing gesture with his hand.

“Look, Aziraphale. I-” Crowley stopped and took a breath. “I’m about to mess this up, badly. But don’t interrupt, just pay attention, right?”

Aziraphale nodded and reached out to give the demon’s hands a squeeze.

“If things were different, I’d delight in watching you bring me flowers for years, woo me for a few decades. Soak up all that attention. But I can’t. And I know you would have, ducky, you’ve all but said. But you can’t. So, decision now is, do we wipe that particular slate clean and live while we can, or not? Because as far as I’m concerned, I’m not willing to waste any time on discussing etiquette and playing the ‘who hurt who over the millennia’ game.”

Aziraphale nodded, understanding exactly where the demon was coming from, and very grateful that they were largely on the same page. Aziraphale didn’t want to waste any time either, but felt it wasn’t his right to decide that for Crowley. “That was my concern as well, and I was rather worried that I was being selfish.”

Crowley tangled their fingers together before kissing the back of Aziraphale’s hand. “Not nearly as selfish as I am.”

Aziraphale blushed a fetching pink as Crowley smiled at him, looking up as his lips hovered over the man’s hand. The demon blinked as Aziraphale’s fingers came loose from his grip, coming to rest under his chin instead. He gently pulled Crowley towards him, stopping with their noses only inches apart. He flushed darker. “I- I’ve never … I don’t know … I mean, I’ve seen, of course but-”

“Aziraphale, stop talking. Do you want to kiss me?”

Blue eyes darkened as the pupils expanded. “Yes, I do.”

“Well then?” Crowley gave a charming and inviting grin, relieved when it was returned. 

Aziraphale came forward with unpracticed mistakes, their noses bumped painfully and he drew back, apologizing, upset that he’d messed it up. Romantic first kiss, indeed. Crowley simply wiggled and twitched his nose before bringing his hands up to tilt Aziraphale’s head a bit. He then smiled and slowly came in, pressing their lips together. It was chaste and gentle and made Aziraphale’s skin tingle. Crowley broke the kiss, rubbing his nose along Aziraphale’s as he pulled away. The demon smiled broadly as he opened his eyes, seeing Aziraphale with his eyes still closed, his lips still puckered. He watched the blonde take a small hiccuping breath and smiling.

“Again, please?”

How could Crowley resist?

It didn’t take very long for an all new normal human bodily function to make itself known. They’d been having a very sweet snog when Aziraphale pulled back with a gasp, his eyes wide. 

Crowley blinked, a little kiss drunk. “S’wrong?”

The blonde blinked a few times before scrambling to his feet and making his way to the loo. “Be right back!”

Crowley sat stunned for a few moments before he tasted the lingering scent on the air. Figuring it out, he smiled to himself, resigned, before getting up to follow the human’s path. He heard water splashing and some muttering as he knocked on the door.

“Everything alright in there?”

Something clattered to the floor.

“Fine! My dear! Tickety-boo! Won’t be a moment.”

“You realize you only say that when something has either gone terribly wrong, or unbelievably right, and you’re trying to hide it?” Crowley heard a minor expletive whispered and grinned at the door. “May as well tell me.”

There was a sigh and Crowley leaned on the door frame with what he hoped was a comforting smile, but probably was closer to a smirk. The door cracked open and Aziraphale peered out.

“Well, I, er, ehm. I believe that, well, it seems … oh dear.” His eyebrows pinched in as he squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep fortifying breath as he opened the door. “Apparently everything is hooked up, no thought or effort needed, as it were. I hadn’t even really … well, thought about it.” 

He stood in the door, water dripping from his embarrassed red face, with a noticeable disruption in how his trousers were falling. Crowley bit down on his tongue sharply to stop the laugh, but he couldn’t help the smile. He felt a bit guilty for it because of how Aziraphale was taking it, but he really couldn’t help it. 

“I know it isn’t going to help much, but I find it flattering, Aziraphale. And if I’m honest, it’s not like I’ve never thought about it before. I’ve thought of all sorts of sinful things I’ve wanted to do with you over the years.” He gave a salacious grin at the blushing blonde. “Nice to know you’re able, now we just need to work up your confidence to ‘willing’. If that’s something you’re interested in, that is.”

Aziraphale had moved incrementally closer as Crowley spoke, his fingers a little twitchy. He’d had many of the same sorts of thoughts, although, perhaps more on the naive-side than Crowley may have. Again, he wasn’t sure that it was something Crowley would have been interested in. But at the last bit, he straightened and put his hands on Crowley’s chest pushing him a few steps back against the wall. “Oh, I am interested _and_ willing, I assure you.”

Crowley’s eyes went wide and he smiled, cautiously. “You’re sure about this, duck? You just had your first kiss ten minutes ago.” 

Aziraphale took a step back. “It is all rather sudden, isn’t it. I’m sorry, my dear.”

“Nothing is sudden as old as we are. Just. I’m not going anywhere, alright? I promise you. Take a breath in between ideas. I don’t want you to rush into anything blindly out of desperation or fear.”

“I understand. I admit I become worried that you’ll get bored someday, decide to take one of your naps until -”

“That won’t happen. Ever.” He took Aziraphale into his arms. “I love you, and I -”

They both froze and Aziraphale tilted back to look into his eyes. “Please, say it again?”

“I love you, Aziraphale.”

The kiss was sloppy and passionate and broken with tears and smiles, laughter. “Thank you, thank you. I love you, Crowley. I do.”

They ended up on the bed, kissing and repeating themselves, laughing and crying. Eventually, Aziraphale began to fall asleep, but kept shaking himself awake. Crowley gently pushed him to get changed and ready to sleep and waited for him to come back to the bed.

Crowley gathered him close, holding him tightly. “Go to sleep, that way I can tell you again in the morning.”

“Not if I tell you first.”

~~~~~

Despite the attempted quick start, the subject of sex didn’t come up in the morning. Or even in the few days following. Aziraphale and Crowley decided that while their time was limited, that didn’t mean they shouldn’t take their time with some things. They did very much enjoy their new habit of kissing, and Crowley got a sort of primal joy out of knowing that Aziraphale wanted him, he’d have to have been blind not to realize it, even without all the erection apologies Aziraphale felt he had to make. 

“It’s rather frustrating! Now that I’ve had one, it’s all I can do to not have another!”

Crowley tried to feel guilty for snickering, he really did. “If it makes you feel any better, Aziraphale, if it weren’t for, err, occult suppression, I’d be in the same problems.”

Aziraphale stopped where he was going through a shelf of less dear books and looked at Crowley in surprise. “Really?”

“Of course, really. You are ridiculously arousing.” 

“Ridiculously?” Aziraphale turned and took tentative steps back to where Crowley was sitting. Crowley looked up at him, trying to put on a confident face but instead sliding into open and adoring, nodding. Aziraphale blinked slowly, smiling. “I- I hardly know how to respond to such a declaration.”

Crowley stood and stepped into Aziraphale’s space, cupping his face. “I’ll stop if you want, but I won’t be very suitable for company.”

“You barely are now, demon.” Aziraphale grinned and leaned the last few inches, pressing their lips together. 

The kiss started sweet … until Crowley put his arms around Aziraphale’s waist, pulling him flush against him. Aziraphale’s lips opened with a small moan as he felt the solid bulge in Crowley’s jeans, nudging against what may have been his tenth erection of the day. Crowley teased his tongue into Aziraphale’s mouth, tracing his teeth. The blonde reciprocated, leaning into the kiss, his tongue chasing Crowley’s as he wrapped his arms around the demon. His hips started a gentle grind, pressing him against Crowley. 

“My dear, please join me upstairs?” Aziraphale was panting, felt both warm and shivery, and he very much wanted to be in bed with Crowley just now. Crowley followed him, after making sure the bookshop was closed up properly, and found him standing nervously in the bedroom. “I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what to do now. I feel like I’d prefer to shower first, just feeling rather sweaty. Don’t want to be disappointing.”

“You couldn’t be, but if that’s what you want, do that. I’ll be here.” Crowley laid on the bed on his side, leaning on an elbow. He paused and smiled inquisitively. “Unless you want me to join you?”

Aziraphale gulped softly. “Not- not this time, I think. I’ll be- I’ll be back in two shakes, my dear.”

Crowley watched as he disappeared into the bathroom, waiting until the door clicked shut to sit up and start worrying. Should he get undressed? How undressed? Pajamas ... pants ... bare? He spared a quick thought to get rid of the day’s eating and activities to leave him minty fresh and squeaky clean. He snapped a bottle of lube onto the side table and looked around the room, wracking his brain for ideas before the figurative light bulb clicked on.

Aziraphale brushed his teeth first, and then used the toilet before getting into the shower. He absolutely did not want to need to stop for any embarrassing human nonsense later. He was careful to not rush through his shower, trying to not think about what was going on in the bedroom right now, while also trying to decide what to do when he got out of the shower. Should he go out in his towel? Pajamas … robe … nothing at all? He finished and was drying himself as he spared a glance at his pajamas. No, no pajamas. Instead, he hung up his towel and pulled his robe on, tying the sash. He ran the brush through his hair, frowning a bit at how his curls poofed. He gripped the sink with both hands, leaned over a bit and looked at himself in the mirror. He took a deep breath. 

“Well, you’ve thought about it for centuries, dear boy, time to enjoy it.” He gave his reflection a somewhat self-deprecating smile for being nervous, and then stood up, straightened his robe and switched off the light as he opened the door.

He stepped into the bedroom, his eyes wide and a soft smile gracing his face. “Oh, _Crowley_ … “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I apologize for the long time between updates. I will do my best to do better :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intimacy is achieved ... but so is an argument.

Aziraphale stepped into the bedroom, which now looked like something out of a Victorian romance. There were candles, electric of course, dotting the room, keeping it softly lit. The bed was turned down, and Crowley had stood next to it when the door opened. The demon was in a silky pajama set and smiling. 

“I figured a little romance wouldn’t be a bad idea. Is it alright?”

“Darling, it’s perfect.” Aziraphale stepped closer and shyly stepped into the demon’s arms. He enjoyed the easy slide of his hands over Crowley’s pajama top and the scent of Crowley’s skin as he nestled into his neck. He hesitated before gingerly sliding his hands underneath the top to lay against his back. Crowley let out a relaxed hum.

“I’ve always liked your hands, duck.” Crowley felt the slightest tremble in Aziraphale’s fingertips and recognized the halting tension in his movements. It was his ‘I want something and I’m waiting for you to give it to me instead of asking’. Had Aziraphale been across the room, his eyebrows would be up and his eyes pleading. He took a chance and lifted his arms just long enough to take off his top before wrapping them around Aziraphale again, and pulling him close.

Aziraphale couldn’t decide if he was grateful for Crowley pulling him back in so quickly. It had happened so fast, he wanted to look, he wanted to take his time. He felt warm smooth skin beneath his cheek, and under his hands, brushing against the inside of his arms. He pulled his hands back until he felt Crowley’s wrists and lightly gripped them. His hands slowly smoothed up the demon’s arms, giving a light squeeze just above his elbow. Crowley nodded at the unspoken question and Aziraphale stood back as his hands continued up to his shoulders.

Aziraphale looked at the lean lines of Crowley’s chest, the dusting of hair over his chest that was just darker than the hair on his head. He felt Crowley’s hands gently kneading his hips. He flattened his hands to slide his palm up Crowley’s neck, his thumbs tracing his jawline. He pushed farther back and held the back of Crowley’s head, fingers buried in his hair, as he pulled him into a kiss. 

The kiss was sweet and passionate, and they were each making small sounds, humming against each other. Crowley’s mouth parted, and Aziraphale’s copied, Crowley drawing Aziraphale’s tongue out. They pressed against each other taking their time until Crowley pulled back far enough to speak against Aziraphale’s lips.

“You know you have me at a disadvantage.” He chuckled at Aziraphale’s questioning sound. “Well, I’m topless, you know. May I take your robe, Sir?”

Aziraphale chuckled before whispering, “Yes, please.”

Crowley untied the sash and his hands drifted to flatten against Aziraphale’s stomach before moving to push the robe away. It fell to the floor and Crowley kissed down Aziraphale’s throat as he stepped back to look at him. 

“Stars above, you are beautiful.” He had taken Aziraphale’s hands as he moved far enough away and squeezed them with a sigh. Soft white-blonde curls on his chest, pale skin, a shy smile, and a blush that reached his chest. Crowley would have had to be a stronger demon to have not given a full up and down look, taking an extra moment to appreciate Aziraphale’s erection, strong and thick like the rest of him.

“You know, dear, you now have _me_ at a disadvantage.” Crowley made a questioning sound as he continued to gaze at his lover. He only took note when Aziraphale delicately pinched the waistband of his pajamas and wiggled it with a chuckle.

“Oh! Yeah, well, no problems there.” Crowley pushed them off and kicked them to the side before striking a pose to make Aziraphale laugh. 

They came together again, hands roaming and lips moving over lips, throat, jaw. Aziraphale cautiously reached out and took Crowley’s erection in hand. He angled his own hips aside with an embarrassed blush when Crowley reached for him. He chuckled self-consciously. “I, er, I don’t think that’s the best idea. Don’t feel much in control of myself.”

Crowley nodded before kissing him again, turning until the back of Aziraphale’s knees were bumping the bed. He gave a low groan as Aziraphale continued to explore, one hand moving over Crowley’s chest, and the other in a timid way that spoke of not wanting to hurt his partner, but not wanting to stop. Crowley slipped his lips over Aziraphale’s jaw and down his throat before popping back to grin at him wickedly. 

“What are you up _to_?!” The last word was squealed as he found himself flat on his back on the bed, Crowley leaning over him to kiss him again.

“Real glad you didn’t have a better grip, that would have been awkward to go downstairs to get repaired.” They each chuckled as Crowley came down for another kiss. He backed away and grinned again as Aziraphale tried to reach up for more kisses. “Hold that thought.”

“Wha- _Oh **fuck**_ … “ Crowley had wrapped his lips around Aziraphale’s cock and quickly began bobbing. Aziraphale couldn’t help himself, it was almost instinctive. His hands finding their way into gripping Crowley’s hair, his hips bucking and his head thrashing back and forth as he was overwhelmed by a very quick climax. Crowley had gentled his actions as Aziraphale panted and lightly jerked through aftershocks. 

Aziraphale’s eyes were only open enough to not be closed, and he mumbled a question.

“Duck, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that. I finished right after you did.” Crowley chuckled as he laid down next to Aziraphale. Aziraphale’s head rolled to face Crowley with a sleepy grin. “So, not gonna lie, I was ready to orgasm just hearing you say ‘fuck’.”

Aziraphale swatted him weakly and snuggled closer. “Not my fault, I wasn’t prepared.” 

Crowley tucked him under the blankets with a discreet snap and held him closer. “I love you, Aziraphale.”

“I love you, Crowley.” 

Crowley promised himself he wouldn’t poke fun of Aziraphale falling asleep so quickly in the morning.

~~~~~

After sex was introduced, Aziraphale had an all new enjoyable research focus. He wasn’t sure how brave he would be, considering some of what he saw, but he wasn’t going to rule anything out right away. Well, maybe a few, but he was confidently sure they were things Crowley wouldn’t be interested in either. At least twice a week, Aziraphale would shyly proposition Crowley. At least twice a week, Crowley would tempt Aziraphale. 

Their new normal was being adjusted to, although not always well. Crowley was trying not to use any sort of magic, but it wasn’t always possible, or desirable. Aziraphale tried to not let it bother him, but there were times it did. 

~~

“Was that really necessary?” Aziraphale looked at Crowley, disappointed and irritated.

“Would you rather have been in a collision?” Crowley was watching the road, where he’d just stopped a car from going in front of him in a bad way.

“No, but maybe if you were to drive slower, these things wouldn’t be necessary!” 

“Some things are unavoidable unless I avoid them!”

Crowley stopped at a traffic light and was utterly gobsmacked when Aziraphale opened the door and got out of the car, quickly walking to the pavement. Crowley pulled to the side of the road and ran after him with a sense of deja vu. “Please get in the car, I apologize!”

Aziraphale turned on him, his cheeks pink and wet. “No! Not if you are going to drive like that! You get into a collision, you get out, you fix the car, smooth the dents. What happens when it’s me?! You can’t smooth the dents and keep driving! You never took me seriously before, but I _don’t want to die_ and it isn’t fair that _you don’t remember_ that I have always been unnerved and afraid of your driving. Because it would have only been inconvenient for us, you were always more worried about the car that you could _fix_ … but now there is a _human_ you can’t!”

Aziraphale yelled at the demon, his fists clenched at his sides. People were moving around them, staring and pretending like they weren’t. Crowley had been preparing a defense when Aziraphale’s words finally burrowed into his head. It all hit him at once and he took a step back. 

“I … Aziraphale … “ He reached out to hold him, Aziraphale was suddenly too far away, even at only a few paces.

Aziraphale took a step back. “No. I’m going home and I’m walking. There is a time and a place for using _that_ , and if it is something you could have done differently, you should have! Go miracle things perfect somewhere else, because it doesn’t work on me!” 

Aziraphale turned and walked away as Crowley stood and watched him, his arms still up to embrace him. He was frozen until Aziraphale turned a corner out of his sight, at which point he finally moved. He didn’t even know where Aziraphale was going. Home could mean the bookshop or the flat. From where they were, that one turn didn’t give a definitive clue, but he knew that if he tried to follow him, it would be worse. 

The demon also knew that if he didn’t follow him, he would panic. He ran back to his car and pulled into traffic, trying to call the mobile that he’d given Aziraphale, but of course there was no answer. He turned the corner and hunted for an angry head of blonde hair, but there was none to be found, so he went to the bookshop. 

Aziraphale wasn’t there, but Crowley hadn’t expected him to be. After an hour of no Aziraphale, Crowley decided to go to the flat. The entire short drive he was berating himself that because he wasn’t there, Aziraphale would assume the worst. He arrived at the flat, but the flat was empty as well. He tried calling Aziraphale’s mobile again, but there was no answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I am terribly sorry for the long delay! I got sidetracked (pronounced "obsessed by") a special request. Hoping to get more back on track.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is found, and reaches out to make a new friend.

If it were possible for Crowley’s phone to lose battery, it would have. He tried to calm down, despite having no idea where Aziraphale was, and it worked for all of five minutes. He knew it would be unwelcome, that Aziraphale would feel smothered, but he was officially afraid. He called Aziraphale’s phone every 37 seconds, which was how long it took to ring to voicemail and fully hang up for him to try again. 

The demon was even too afraid to drink himself into a stupor, because what if Aziraphale needed him? Spending the precious seconds sobering up could be the difference between life and dea- No. Crowley refused to think of that word right now. Instead he paced a shiny path in his flat, listening to the unanswered ringing coming out of his phone. 

What do humans do when this happens? He’d watched enough television, what do they do? He started by calling everything classified as a hospital by Google in the area. Crowley wasn’t sure if he was more relieved or upset when he was told by a harried admissions clerk that no, he wasn’t there. 

“Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, Admissions office, Darla speaking.” 

“Hello, hi, yeah, uh. I’m looking for my, uh, friend. Partner. Partner friend, boyfriend? Gah, we’re too old for that.”

“Yes, sir, please take a deep breath, can you give me both his name and yours?”

“Sorry, you’re the eleventh hospital I’ve called, you’d think I’d know what to say by now.”

“It’s understandable, sir. Your partner, what’s he called? And your name?”

“I’m Anthony Crowley, and he’s called Aziraphale Fell. He-”

“Oh, Mr Crowley! Yes, he’s here. Hard name to forget. Mr Fell was admitted not long ago. We’d been trying to reach his emergency contact, but the line’s been engaged.”

“He’s there! Right, I’m on my way!”

Crowley hung up before Darla could even take breath to say anything, and was in the Bentley speeding to the hospital.

~~~~~

“He’s right through here.”

Crowley came into the room, somehow both frantic and subdued. He saw Aziraphale lying on the table asleep, wires hooked up watching his vitals, a bandage on his head, his arm immobilised, the sleeve cut away to above the elbow. There was a nurse taking down information from the machines and he turned, his ID said Jacob.

“You must be Mr Crowley. We’ve heard a bit about you.” Jacob gave an easy smile, the kind that helps calm people, a trustworthy smile. Crowley wasn’t affected.

“What happened. What’s wrong with him? Is he going to be ok?”

“He’s going to be fine. He was out at Battersea Park and took a fall. He’s broken his arm, and a mild concussio-”

“Concussion? Why’s he asleep then?! Supposed to keep him awake!” Crowley was keeping his voice down, but was still frantic.

“Mr Crowley, I assure you, that’s only on telly to create drama. It’s perfectly safe under most conditions for a patient to sleep. Mr Fell is fine. We will need to be waking him soon to get him into a splint, you’re welcome to do that if you like.”

Crowley was still suspicious, but too focused to make a big deal about it. He stood next to the bed and lightly ran his fingers over Aziraphale’s curls before resting on his shoulder, taking Aziraphale’s hand in his other hand.

“Aziraphale, wake up, duck. Please … “ For the next few minutes, Crowley softly cajoled Aziraphale awake, who finally blinked, and sleepily focused on Crowley.

“Crowley, there you are. How long have I been here?” His eyes wandered the room, landing on Jacob. “Oh! Jacob, you’re still here, so it can’t have been too long, you’d have gone home by now.”

“Yeah, Not too long, only a couple hours. You spent most of it sleeping, which is good. A resting body is a healing body.” Jacob flashed a smile which Aziraphale wearily returned. “We’ll get that arm in a splint in the next ten minutes or so. After that, we’ll get you a couple prescriptions and you should be good to go.” 

Jacob made a few more notes and then stepped out. Crowley looked at Aziraphale, who looked embarrassed.

“Crowley, I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone off in a huff like that.” Aziraphale was looking down at the blanket.

Crowley carefully gave his hand a squeeze. “You were right though. And this was the worst possible way to prove your point, but I get it. Ok? I’ll do my best, duck.”

“I was only right in that you should drive slower, you were right in using a miracle to avert danger. It’s just … it’s so difficult reconciling the caution I used to take with the actual danger involved now. It used to be prudence, now it is necessity. It manifests into fear. Fear that I desperately try not to show you because it isn’t your fault, and I know you’d take it that way.”

“Duck, it’s been almost a year, I know it isn’t my fault, but I’ll probably always wonder what I could have done differently. And all your books those romance stories, isn’t that what a relationship is? Being partners, sharing problems?”

“Well, yes, but I don’t want you to feel put upon, or that I am ungrateful.”

“If it wouldn’t blow a tiny little mind, I’d say to find a therapist.”

“Perhaps … perhaps we do know someone who could at least be a good listener. I will look her up when we’ve gone home.”

Crowley tried to not look nervous. “Eurr, when you say, ‘home’ … do you mean … ?”

“Your flat, my dear. _(Our flat.)_ Yes, of course, our flat.”

“What were you doing out there anyway? What happened?”

“Well, it was where we last fought. And I was angry, but also, feeling guilty … it felt like the right place to go. There weren’t any people about, so I just sort of, let it all out. I’m not sure how long I was there, just ranting out loud to myself. I had just pulled out my mobile to call you, but I was startled when someone had approached to ask if I was alright. I turned around so quickly that I lost my balance and fell. I heard them calling an ambulance, kept asking me questions, but I was having trouble focusing. I remember being taken in the ambulance, and then here. They took my identification from my wallet to fill out what they needed. Oh, and I learned that I am blood type O negative, if that ever comes up again. I gave Jacob my mobile to call you, but … well … “

Aziraphale reached over to a small side table and picked up a broken mobile, handing it to Crowley. “Apparently when I was startled, it flew out of my hands and hit one of the columns. Luckily, you’ve had the same telephone number for decades, so I was able to tell them once I was a bit more lucid.”

“And we got to spend a couple of hours listening to an engaged tone trying to reach you.” Jacob had come back in with the doctor. He was smiling, non-accusatory, but it still made Crowley wither that Aziraphale had been here, hurt, alone, and it was his fault that it happened, and that he hadn’t answered the phone. Jacob noticed. “Hey, it happens, Mr Crowley. It really does, we had a woman giving birth who was trying to reach her husband to tell him where she was, and the husband was panicked, calling her trying to ask. It was quite a while before she ended up sending a neighbor to go bang on his door.”

“People worry, and sometimes lines are crossed.” The doctor nodded, agreeing with Jacob before getting down to business. She turned a serious face on Aziraphale, but was more talking for Crowley’s benefit. “Now, Mr Fell, this is only a temporary splint, just until the swelling goes down a bit, but you’ll need to make an appointment in a day or two in order to get a cast. I’ve got a prescription here for pain, but you can take over the counter anti-inflammatories of your choice. Use ice, on and off, and give us a ring tomorrow to make an appointment for the cast. Try to keep it elevated; when you go to sleep, try to rest it on a pillow if you can. Have you both got all that?”

They nodded as the doctor finished up and bid them a good evening. Jacob showed him the papers with care instructions and the prescription and then helped gather Aziraphale’s things to walk him out. “Glad you were out of it enough for us to get this coat off you in one piece, looks like an antique. Shouldn’t be too hard to repair the fall damage, good tailors in the area. Hope you have a good night, Mr Fell, Mr Crowley.”

Crowley helped Aziraphale into the car including the seatbelts he had installed as he drove to the hospital, which Aziraphale made no mention of as Crowley clicked him into place. Crowley carefully drove them to the pharmacy, and then home. He helped Aziraphale get comfortable and then brought him cocoa, biscuits, and the laptop to look up his new ‘therapist’.

~~~~~

“Hello?”

“Err, yes, hello. May I speak to Miss Anathema Device, please?”

“Just a mo’.”

“This is Anathema.”

“Hello, yes. My name is Aziraphale, we met a couple times, briefly, about a year ago?”

“You’re the book thief’s boyfriend, right?”

_”You left it behind!”_

“ _Please, dear, let me do the talking?_ … Hello, I’m dreadfully sorry about that. Yes, as you’ve deduced.”

“Alright. What do you want? The book is useless now, and I burned the second book.”

“The _what_?! There was a sec- And you ... Oh … oh dear. I- Crowley, I- I can’t.”

_*sounds of a phone changing hands and a short wobbly conversation*_

“Book girl, really wish you hadn’t done that, or at least hadn’t told him. We’ve got troubles over here. That’s not why he was calling, though. He needs someone to talk to, and barring the Antichrist, you’re really our only option.”

“Charming. Why not Adam?”

“He’s a kid! He doesn’t need to be worrying about adult problems. Not ending the world was enough to deal with, don’t you think?”

“Alright. He asks about you, though. He could find you but he feels it would be an invasion of your privacy, so he just asks me.”

“Right, well, don’t tell him yet. We need to talk to you first, then others who might care. That reminds me, I need to call Hellspawn’s mother.”

“I don’t even want to know. So, what do you need?”

“I need you to agree to meet up with us, in person.”

“Fine. When?”

~~~~~

One week later, Anathema and Newt were shown into Crowley’s living room, which had been far more comfortable months ago, before the argument. Crowley set every one with drinks and then Aziraphale joined them. His cast had been painted by Crowley in the new tartan, and was very noticeable as he sat down next to Crowley. Newt looked confused, Anathema looked sad.

“When did it happen? How?”

“Not one to shy away from hard conversations, are you?” Crowley reached out and took Aziraphale’s hand gently.

“When did what happen? His arm? Wait. How is it broken?” Newt may have been rubbish at technology, but he was actually rather observant and quick in other ways. “Shouldn’t it just have, fixed itself?”

Crowley and Aziraphale explained what happened, as Newt and Anathema looked on, rather surprised. The little they knew of the reality of Heaven and Hell wasn’t particularly positive, but it hadn’t been as bad as all that. 

“I can see why you’d have wanted to read the second book.” Anathema then told the very short story of the second manuscript. 

“Yes, who knows what sort of insight we could have gleaned. I understand your position, but the destruction of such a valuable book does upset me.”

“So, what do you need me for? I don’t believe you’d be asking for spells with the sort of magic at your disposal.” She watched curiously as Crowley and Aziraphale looked at each other. 

“I suppose, I just need someone to talk to, who knows, who believes. You are well aware of magic, you know what we are, well what he is, and I used to be.” Aziraphale closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath. “I need a human friend, and it would be difficult to explain certain things that I may want to talk about with someone who doesn’t already know. I don’t want to censor myself.” 

Anathema nodded with a smile. “I understand. Alright, congratulations, you have a human friend.” 

“Two human friends, if it’s alright?” Newt spoke up for the first time since asking about Aziraphale’s arm. 

Aziraphale smiled brightly. “Two sounds wonderful.”

The rest of the visit was pleasant, if not a little awkward. They couldn’t be blamed, no one knowing the other enough to navigate casual conversation, but they made out alright and planned to meet again soon. Once they left, Crowley turned to Aziraphale. 

“Almost bedtime. Why don’t you go wash up. I’m going to phone the Dowlings and be in soon.”

After a shower, and fresh pajamas, Aziraphale came out to find Crowley already in bed.

“How did it go?”

“We’re meeting up with Warlock and his mum on Saturday. Tad is unavailable, which is fine by me.”

“You warned her about … er …?”

“Well, using the modern parlance, I told her that I disappeared to transition, and it’ll be easy to muddle the timeline on how long it should have actually taken from there. As for you, I said that you’d had a little work done. And that with our changes, changed our names. Muddling is easier with a base of truth. Humans fill in the gaps themselves if it isn’t perfect, and they are happier to figure it out themselves.”

Aziraphale nodded and carefully came into Crowley’s arms. “Thank you, darling. I know letting humans in isn’t exactly ideal, but … “

“I know. It’s alright. Love you, duck.”

“I love you, Crowley.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I learned this about concussions, it shook me up, considering how consistent it is, in all forms of media. I just had to write it once!  Concussion Myth!
> 
> Also, using Adam and Warlock’s birthday of Aug 20, and knowing it was a few days of averting work, then the swap, and a few days of settling into new humanity, the birthday was decided of Aug 28. Which, when looking up 828, I found that there is a oft quoted bible passage, Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” which, I thought was interesting, ineffably. :)
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, I appreciate all of your comments!
> 
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	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale continue to cultivate their human friend pool.

Little changed over the next week, other than Aziraphale’s wardrobe. His coat was hung up, preserved by Crowley with a small miracle, only to be brought out for special occasions. His waistcoat received similar treatment. Due to his cast, he was wearing a short sleeved button down shirt and vest, and a cardigan over top. It took getting used to, but he found it comfortable.

~~~~~

They were still arguing, although Crowley less so, when they arrived at a park a little ways farther than they usually traveled. Crowley hadn’t driven recklessly since the hospital; they were arguing the pros and cons of attempting to act in a guardian-ish role to Warlock again. Aziraphale was arguing in favor, and Crowley was asking if it was actually beneficial to Warlock.

“He’s almost twelve, duck, he’s not going to want his old-” Crowley was cut short with an ‘oof’ as Warlock crashed into him.

“NANNY!” 

“You were saying, dear?” Crowley looked at Aziraphale somewhat sheepishly as he embraced Warlock. 

“I missed you, you didn’t even tell me you were leaving! You didn’t even come to my birthday party! You’d have loved it, and hated it. I just kept thinking about what you would have said about the rubbish magician that was there, but then there was a huge cake fight and so that was pretty awesome, but you missed that too. And-” His quick rambling stopped short as Crowley made a shushing gesture and smiled. He looked up at Warlock’s mother with a small nod as she looked at him with a mixture of nervousness and surprise. 

Aziraphale had made a small scoff at hearing about the ‘rubbish magician’ and caught Mrs Dowling’s eye before stepping closer. Crowley and Warlock’s conversation faded into the background as they settled on a bench a little bit away from Aziraphale and Mrs Dowling. 

“So. Uh … Nanny seems … different.” 

“Well, in a number of ways, we both are. But he is happy with who he is now and that is the important thing.” Aziraphale looked at Harriet who had that look of being comfortable and progressive, but also being completely unfamiliar with actually being face-to-face with things in real life. “However, if it makes you feel any better, inside he is the exact same person, it’s just the outside that you don’t recognize.”

“I recognized her- him, easier than I did you!” She laughed before realizing what she said and turned to him. “I- I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- Dammit.”

“Don’t worry, I understand completely. It may look from the outside to have been a bit late in life for us to change. And you can’t deny, I have never looked better. Well, save the broken arm, of course.” He smiled brightly, encouraging her to relax. She looked like she was fighting the urge to agree. “You can say it. My teeth were a nightmare.”

Harriet laughed and smiled at Warlock and Crowley who had looked up at her outburst. “I actually had Tad add better dental to the staff plan, but you didn’t notice.”

“No, I had much bigger worries than my dental aesthetic at the time.” He looked at her seriously. “Before we go over and break up their conversation, I’d like to say something.”

Harriet caught the change in tone and turned away from her son to give Aziraphale her full attention. 

“I know that Crowley and I were merely staff, but we both came to care for Warlock very much. It may be a bit unorthodox, but I know it would mean the world to Crowley to still be able to, well, at the least talk to Warlock sometimes. And we have a large flat, if you ever need caregivers for any reason.” He looked down at his hands a moment. “I of course am not asking you to make any grand declarations or decisions, but we would appreciate you to think about it. A weekend, school holidays … I am a rather fine tutor if you need that.”

“I will think about it. But I don’t see any reason not to let Warlock see you. I’ve never seen Warlock so happy as when I told him that Nan- Crowley called.” Harriet reached out and gave Aziraphale’s arm a pat. “What do you say we go over and drag them somewhere for lunch?”

“That sounds delightful!” 

~~~~~

That evening, Aziraphale and Crowley talked about the visit. At the end of the day, Harriet had brought up maybe trying a weekend visit soon. Tad was going to be out of the country, and she wanted to have time to herself. Both Aziraphale and Crowley excitedly agreed, and everyone’s phone numbers were exchanged. 

“When do you think we’ll tell him?”

“Maybe when he’s out of school, if he hasn’t figured it out by then. He’s a clever kid with a scary memory, it’ll start coming to him.”

“Perhaps. And Anathema is going to be talking to Adam, who will of course tell his friends.” He yawned and cuddled into Crowley’s side as they laid in bed. He stretched and kissed Crowley’s cheek before settling again. 

“Go to sleep, duck. You said you wanted to open the bookshop tomorrow.” He kissed the top of Aziraphale’s head and snuggled him gently as Aziraphale agreed. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dear. Good night.”

Crowley laid awake holding Aziraphale and thinking over all of the changes that were coming, and happening. Having kids in their life, friends. It wasn’t something he’d ever anticipated, settling down like this. Maybe he’d thought of it in more of an abstract of himself and Aziraphale, but … this was different. He knew that Aziraphale needed humans now. They used to be novelty to know and befriend on occasion, but … 

The last two weeks suddenly hit Crowley hard and he gently disentangled himself before going into the plant room. He set up a miracle and proceeded to let loose all of his anger and frustration, and pain. 

~~~~~

“What are you doing, duck?” Crowley found Aziraphale sitting at his desk, the sign turned to ‘Closed’. 

“Well, it is Warlock and Adam’s birthday coming up, I am writing letters to go with the gifts I’ve wrapped.” He gestured to the bright packages on the sofa.

“What did you get them?” 

“I’ve chosen a few books for them.”

Crowley hesitated to remind Aziraphale that the boys were all of twelve and may not appreciate a gift of books, but he didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Instead, he sat down and watched Aziraphale writing his letters. 

“You know, after their birthday, it’ll be yours soon.”

Aziraphale looked up at him, startled. “My what? Oh, yes, I suppose we did pick one out, didn’t we? What should we do?”

“Leave it to me … but … err, can I ?” He mimed snapping. “For special occasions?”

“Yes of course, that would be fine, dear. I look forward to it.” Aziraphale smiled softly before turning a sad look on the demon. “You realize, I don’t mind that you still can, right? You don’t have to ask.”

“I know that, but … I don’t want to overdo it, or make you feel like I’m flaunting it.”

Aziraphale came over to kiss his cheek and slid under his arm. “I know, dear. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be used to it, but I’ll do my best.”

~~~~~

Crowley and Aziraphale arrived at Warlock’s birthday party and did as all the adults do at a child’s party. Hand over the gift, receive a hug, and then find the other adults for wine and food as the children run amok. Crowley and ’Francis’[1] were reintroduced to people who had known Nanny and a pleasant afternoon was enjoyed. Just before leaving, Warlock begged to visit them at their flat soon, and plans were made. Crowley also whispered to Warlock to be happy about the gift that Aziraphale brought, or he’d feed him to a Hellhound. Warlock laughed and gave a thumbs up before running off back to his friends.

~~~~~

The following day, Crowley and Aziraphale headed to Tadfield to celebrate Adam’s birthday. They hadn’t seen him since the airfield, but knew from Anathema that he remembered them, as did his friends. They pulled up to the Young residence and with a little evasion of the truth during the introductions, established themselves as friends of Newt and Anathema who had met the kids a few times. That out of the way, the kids ran off to hang out as usual while the adults enjoyed tea, nibbles, and small talk, waiting for the kids to return for supper and cake. 

“So, I recall seeing you about a year ago, when the kids broke on to the airfield, but haven’t since then. What do you do for a living, Mr Fell?” Arthur Young spoke up, trying not to sound suspicious and failing.

“Ah, well first, please call me Aziraphale.” Aziraphale put his teacup down and smiled. “As for what I do, I own a specialty bookshop in Soho, antiques, first editions, and suchlike. I’ve been there for ages.” 

Arthur nodded, satisfied, respectable business then. “And you Mr Crowley?”

“Just Crowley, and me, I’m a kept man.” He grinned widely at Aziraphale who stared at him, blushing. As Aziraphale started stammering, Crowley laughed. “Nah, I’m in investments. You know, putting money places to make more money, property.”

“Seem to be doing well enough at it, judging by your car.” 

“Yeah, I’m not bad. Just have to make sure you find these companies when they start, Buy cheap and wait. Be willing to play the long game.” Crowley looked out the window as he tried to find a way out of the conversation. Luckily, Anathema started talking and he was able to tune out for a bit. He vaguely heard Aziraphale offer tutoring services again, but didn’t pay much mind.

Eventually the kids came back and an early supper was enjoyed alongside cake. Crowley gave a Look as Adam opened his gift from Aziraphale, but it hadn’t been necessary. Adam had good instincts and gave his appreciation. Once it was time to leave, Adam and The Them followed Crowley and Aziraphale out to the car. 

“Wicked car, Crowley.” Adam offered, the others following suit. He then turned back to the house, to make sure no one else had come out before turning back to Crowley and Aziraphale. “Anathema told me some of what happened, and I wish I could help, but I don’t have that kind of power.”

“Oh, no, Adam, that isn’t at all why we came.” Aziraphale was quick to interject, and Crowley agreed. “Crowley and I, we have so few people that we can trust, that we don’t need to pretend or censor ourselves, and I wanted to keep in touch with them, well, all of you.”

“Well, that’s alright then. Not that I wouldn’t, but didn’t want you to get your hopes up or anything.” 

Phone numbers were exchanged and the kids went back inside as Aziraphale and Crowley got into the car to leave. The demon spoke up as they got underway. “That went better than I expected.”

“Yes, I agree, dear.” Aziraphale’s fingers fiddled on his lap. “It occurred to me that there are two other humans that we know?”

“I know where you’re going with that, and Shadwell and the red-haired bird aren’t in London anymore. If you really wanted me to, I could hunt them down, but not sure that Shadwell could handle me being around now that he knows what I am, even if you are human.”

“Madame Tracy was delightful, but I can understand your point. And she was very taken with the Sergeant, so they may be a package deal now.” Aziraphale looked over at Crowley who was nodding.

“Ok, so do we have all our humans now?”

“I believe so, dear. I am very grateful for your humoring me in this.” He reached over and took Crowley’s hand, giving a squeeze. 

Crowley lifted Aziraphale’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “I’m not humoring you, Aziraphale. I’m loving you.”

Aziraphale’s heart melted and tears fell as they headed back to Mayfair.

~~~~~

One week later, Crowley and Aziraphale left the flat early in the morning for a walk around the neighborhood. Aziraphale was aware that it was his ‘birthday’, and was very excited to see what Crowley had planned. He had mentioned before using magic for something, but no other hints had been forthcoming. They walked a bit longer than usual because Aziraphale had mentioned a pastry shop he wanted to stop at later, and Crowley shrugged that may as well while they were already out, it wouldn’t be that much more of a walk. Aziraphale ate his light treat on the walk back and before long, they were walking back into their flat. 

There were balloons in the foyer, leading into the dining room, and Aziraphale looked surprised and delighted as he followed them, finding a group of people clustered around the table. Anathema and Newt had apparently brought The Them along, and Warlock had been dropped off by his mother to stay overnight. There were pastel blue and pink decorations which Adam took credit for, citing that it was technically his first birthday. Warlock looked a little confused, but shrugged it off when Adam gave him a look that said ‘I’ll explain later’. 

They all enjoyed a lovely lunch and cake before the kids complained about boring adult conversations, save for Pepper who had strong opinions on everything. Crowley subtly added a game system to his living room, complete with games for all four to play together and told them to go have fun. Aziraphale gave him a soft smile and nod.

Warlock figured out quickly that there was something big he didn’t know, but still felt like he did, and started needling Adam for information. Adam was about to answer when Brian piped up, not paying attention to the tone of the room. 

“Well, you know that they’re a demon and an angel, well, now, they’re a demon and a human. And they thought you were the Antichrist, but it’s actually Adam, but not anymore, mostly.” He was focused on the game and so didn’t notice when Warlock dropped the controller and looked at Adam who had just smacked Brian’s arm. 

“Antichrist? Nanny’s a demon? Oh my God, Nanny’s a _demon_! All that weird crap … it makes sense!” He jumped up and ran into the kitchen where everyone was cleaning up and barreled headlong into Crowley hugging him tightly. “You’re a demon?!”

Crowley stopped and stared at Warlock, and all eyes turned to them, and then to the door where Brian was rubbing his arm, apologizing, and Adam looked worried. Wensleydale just looked curious and calm.

“Errr, yeah. I uh, wasn’t prepared for this, but … I guess it’s storytime.” Everyone looked both eager and apprehensive. Warlock stepped back to get a better look at Crowley.

Aziraphale stepped forward and lightly touched Crowley’s arm. “Darling, under the circumstances, would you mind finishing the kitchen?” 

Crowley looked at him, an entire conversation passing between them silently, before nodding and snapping his fingers. In a blink, plates were clean and put away, food was packaged and refrigerated, balloons were gathered in a corner, and Aziraphale’s still wrapped gifts were stacked on a table. The towels in Pepper and Newt’s hands vanished to hang back on their hooks, clean and dry, and a bottle of wine and four glasses appeared on the counter. 

All of the humans except Aziraphale observed the change in shock. It was one thing to know that someone was a demon, or an angel, or even a witch, but completely another to see reality rearrange itself at the click of the fingers. 

“Wicked!” Adam was the first to regain speech, even if it was a little breathy with shock. That seemed to break the spell over the rest of the room and everyone expressed similar thoughts. 

Crowley and Aziraphale still hadn’t looked away from each other in the midst of everyone talking and everyone went quiet as Crowley pulled him into his arms, kissing the top of his head. The children looked embarrassed when they noticed a few tears on Crowley and Aziraphale’s cheeks; Newt and Anathema looked sad and sympathetic. 

After a few moments, Aziraphale took a deep breath and nodded as he stood and looked at the group again. Crowley gestured to the wine and glasses and Anathema and Newt picked them up and followed Crowley into the living room, which suddenly had more seats. Wine was poured for the adults, and the kids had all grabbed sodas. 

Crowley took off his sunglasses and looked up at Warlock who was smiling. “I remember! I remember knocking your glasses when I was a kid!”

Crowley nodded with a grin and looked at Aziraphale. Aziraphale took a breath. “Right, well, in the beginning, there was a garden … “

~~

Despite skipping over most world events they’d been witness to, keeping the story to a reasonable length, it was still about an hour and a half later before they got to the part about the lack of Hellhound. Warlock interjected every few minutes as well, once it came to his upbringing. 

Out of discretion, they did not explain their switch, or what punishments they were sentenced to, only that there were trials and they both survived. Then came the aftermath of the trials, and the year since. After a few moments of silence to digest it all, Crowley spoke again.

“So, that’s all of it. Everyone in this room are the only ones who know the story, and as of now, it needs to stay that way. Any questions?”

Warlock spoke up hesitantly. “So, when you say human, does that mean that Aziraphale wil-”

“I am going to insist, as nicely as possible, that you do not finish that sentence.” Crowley all but snarled at the repentant, but not afraid, boy. 

Warlock nodded, looking at Aziraphale sadly. Anathema took that opportunity to start hustling The Them to get ready to leave, and Newt assisted her. Aziraphale stood to help everyone gather jackets, leftover cake, and various other things that people always seem to bring with them and showed them all to the door. They each hugged him in turn, Anathema promising to call him later in the week.

In the living room, Warlock had sat next to Crowley. “Crowley? Am … am I still your Hellspawn? Even though I’m just a regular kid?”

Crowley looked surprised before hugging him tightly. “You’ll always be my little Hellspawn, Warlock. Aziraphale’s, too, even if he won’t call you that.” 

Warlock chuckled and hugged Crowley back.

Aziraphale came into the room and quietly sat on Warlock’s other side. Warlock turned and grabbed him into the hug as well. “You know you guys are the best, right?”

The three popped popcorn and watched a movie until Warlock was shown into the guest room where he laid awake texting Adam and The Them until the wee hours of the morning.

Aziraphale headed to bed and Crowley followed him, climbing into bed to hold him as he slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11They had decided that it was easier to stick with Francis for the time being as it may have strained credulity that he had changed his name from ‘Francis’ to ‘Aziraphale’.[return to text]
> 
> ~~~~~
> 
> This is the end of the foundation chapters, the next chapters will employ more time jumps. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Please feel free to come talk, or yell at me :D
> 
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	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale and Crowley becoming more domestic, settling in, and spending more time with the humans in their small inner circle.

**Two years later**

It was common for Warlock to be over for a weekend every month, and on some extended school holidays, an entire week. The Them came by for those visits as well, which the first time it happened, Aziraphale had to admit later may have been a mistake. 

“Perhaps next time, they should be a little older? Not as rambunctious?” Aziraphale was very close to passing out from exhaustion after spending time with the group of pre-teens. He could still hear them all laughing in the living room over something or other and he was exhausted and trying very hard to hold his temper. 

“Duck, I’ll take care of it, no problems, alright?” Crowley saw the flash in Aziraphale’s eyes as another burst of laughter was heard rolling into their room. “Hey, tell you what … I’m going to head back out there and keep an eye on them, and I’ll put some soundproofing up for you to sleep, then once they’re all asleep, I come in and hold you. Then tomorrow, after Harriet comes and gets Warlock, and we take the Them home, we come back here and I help you relax?”

“Would it be alright, dear, if I stayed here while you go to Tadfield? I could get some baking done, and read a bit until you get back?” Aziraphale sat closer to Crowley, wrapping his arms around him and kissing his jaw. 

Crowley hummed for a moment. “Hey, none of that, we are responsible guardians. But yes, that’s fine, ducky. Go to sleep.”

Aziraphale kissed his lips and snuggled down into the bed; Crowley stood up and went to the door. “I love you, Crowley.” 

“Love you, too.”

~~~~~

Warlock and Adam had just celebrated their fourteenth birthdays and Aziraphale his ‘third’ when Crowley appeared at the bookshop with Anathema and Newt. 

“Hand over the keys, Aziraphale. You’re going on vacation.” Anathema held out her hand as Newt passed by with a couple of overnight bags, directed by Crowley to the upstairs flat.

“What is going on?” Aziraphale was distractedly handing over his keys anyway. “What vacation?”

“I’m not sure, Crowley didn’t say where you were going. Tell me how to run the shop.” Anathema’s no-nonsense attitude worked well on Aziraphale, and this time was no different. 

Aziraphale went over the basics, which boiled down to not opening unless they really wanted to, and not selling anything if they did. Once done, Crowley dragged him out of the shop and into the car before he started driving. Aziraphale opened his mouth but was immediately cut off.

“I’m not telling you, it’s a surprise.” Crowley grinned at Aziraphale as they drove south out of London.

While Crowley’s driving had mellowed quite a bit, and he was considerably more careful, he was still a fast driver once traffic allowed it, and they reached their destination in just over an hour. He pulled into the driveway of an oversized cottage and parked before getting out to open Aziraphale’s door and pulling him out of the car. 

“Oh, my dear, it’s lovely!” they went inside and Aziraphale stopped short. There was one overstuffed chair in the sitting room next to the fireplace, which looked amazingly comfortable, but nothing else. “It’s er, a bit sparse for a holiday rental … Clean though … “

Crowley smiled and came up behind him, perching his chin on Aziraphale’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around him. “Well, because it’s not a rental. I bought it. It’s ours. Chair is the first piece of furniture I bought. I knew you’d like it.”

“Ours?” 

“Mmhmm.” Crowley kissed Aziraphale’s temple and the shell of his ear. “Ours. We can decorate it slowly, come out on weekends, and then when you’re ready to retire, we can live in this cozy little area.”

Aziraphale’s head moved to encourage Crowley as he threaded their fingers together. “You are making retirement sound entirely too tempting, darling.” 

“S’my job, isn’t it?” Crowley turned Aziraphale in his arms and kissed over his jaw. “You know, you’ve seen the chair, but I’m a bit surprised you didn’t ask what the second piece of furniture I bought was.”

Aziraphale’s hands came up and gripped Crowley’s arms before tangling into his hair. “I do hope it’s a flat surface.”

Crowley hummed an agreement as his lips moved over Aziraphale’s throat.

“Perhaps large enough for two?” His breath hitched with an aborted laugh as Crowley’s response tickled his skin. “Would it be soft?”

Crowley slid his hands to Aziraphale’s buttocks and pulled him close, rubbing their groins together. “Doesn’t feel soft to me.” 

Aziraphale groaned and gave Crowley’s hair a tug to bring their mouths together for a hungry kiss. “Well, I would drag you to the bedroom, but I unfortunately don’t know where it is.”

Crowley pulled Aziraphale along the hall into the bedroom, each of them removing clothing as they went. Aziraphale stepped into the bedroom that had only one piece of furniture, a beautiful and indulgent bed. He helped Crowley out of the last of his clothes and pulled the blanket and sheets aside before gently pushing him onto the bed. The rest of Aziraphale’s clothing were quickly taken care of before he climbed onto the bed between Crowley’s legs. He kissed up his thigh before looking into Crowley’s eyes.

“I love you,” was whispered before taking Crowley into his mouth. Crowley would never not watch when they were intimate. He couldn’t look away from his beautiful partner. He groaned loudly as Aziraphale sucked hard before popping off to look up at Crowley again. “Darling, I assume you’ve brought … ah, yes, thank you.”

Crowley got goosebumps as Aziraphale went through his motions. Keening as Aziraphale finally came up his body to kiss him. Wrapping his legs around Aziraphale, fingers buried in his hair as they moved together. They whispered endearments and plans for the cottage as they made love, devolving into groans and gasps as they climaxed. 

One of the miracles that Aziraphale never minded was the ‘clean-up’ after they were intimate. He was never in much of a mood to move afterwards, and Crowley was rather clingy. Aziraphale was just starting to nod off to sleep and Crowley pulled the blanket and sheets up as Aziraphale rolled and adjusted until he was pillowed on Crowley’s chest. 

“Thank you, dear.” Crowley trailed his palm, rubbing Aziraphale’s back. “For everything. Patience, Love, our new cottage … you are wonderful, and I am very lucky to have you here with me.”

“Not luck at all. You started it, you know. I didn’t stand a chance.”

Aziraphale tried to answer, but fell asleep mid-word with a smile. Crowley kissed his head and held him close, letting his light snores lull him to sleep as well.

~~~~~

Crowley was not shy or conservative when it came to spoiling Aziraphale. After buying the cottage, Aziraphale decided they needn't wait before moving in and they worked to make it their home. During the week, when Aziraphale would open the bookshop, they'd stay locally, but weekends were always spent in the cottage. It was barely an hour out of London the way Crowley drove, and Aziraphale adored the little village. 

Every few months, Crowley insisted on traveling for a few days. They visited new places, and old favorites. Once a week, Aziraphale would close himself in his little study for a few hours for some time to himself. 

Being a small community, they became familiar with the residents fairly quickly, and were of course very well liked. Not long after they had first arrived, there was a rumor about Crowley only being interested in the kindly Aziraphale’s money, but after seeing his utter devotion to Aziraphale, that idea was quickly squashed.

Aziraphale started a book club, which was popular, and even Crowley would get involved once in a while. Their neighbors thought the group of children coming by once in a while was odd, but it was assumed that they were uncles or Godfathers to the lot, and while they were never really around long enough to be known, they were recognizable.

Their kindness and generosity in the community made up for the fact that they never went to church. The pastor had come by to welcome them after they had settled, and had been summarily, politely, refused. After speaking to them though, the pastor wasn’t even upset, and even made a point to visit once every few weeks for delightful and deep discussions which actually helped the pastor’s own beliefs become more true. 

All in all, they fit in very well.

~~~~~

Near Aziraphale’s tenth birthday, he was diagnosed as diabetic, which was rather upsetting. After only a few weeks of missing his favorite bakery, the owner had run into him in town and asked if everything was alright. Aziraphale shared his worry and the baker assured him to come back in a few days, he’d learn the best friendly treats he could. 

Aziraphale and Crowley returned a week later and the baker proudly presented him with an array of choices. Aziraphale teared up and thanked him profusely for his consideration and made a point to visit every weekend for treats. 

Crowley had also learned to cook as Aziraphale needed. With a little trial and error over flavor, of course. 

Anathema and Newt had the dubious honor of testing out new recipes, as did Warlock and the Them, before Crowley was willing to give over to his lover. 

“Because I won’t feel bad if you don’t like it.” Crowley had grinned widely at the groaning guests as Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Besides, he’ll eat it just to make me happy even if he doesn’t like it, you lot will tell me the truth.”

No one could argue that point, because as much as Crowley loved Aziraphale, it was reciprocated in intensity that no one could deny. They were both very careful about not upsetting the other, but sometimes it couldn’t be avoided, and there were minor spats that the group had been witness to over the years. 

Warlock and Adam’s eighteenth birthdays were one such argument when Crowley wanted to welcome them to adulthood with style … and lots of alcohol. 

“Darling, I don’t mind offering them some wine with dinner, but there’s no reason for so many different liquors. They are still children.” 

“They’re not, duck. Full adults now, and at least here they aren’t going to be driving or doing any stupid pub tricks or dares.” 

The argument was finally settled by a compromise of one glass of wine, and one small drink. Adam and Pepper stopped after the wine, Wensleydale had declined altogether. Warlock and Brian each tried a small whiskey with Crowley and each said that it was really not worth the burn. Warlock winked at Crowley with a smirk and accepted a second glass when Aziraphale wasn’t looking, though. They all stayed the weekend, Aziraphale fussing over them the next morning despite no one having even a hint of hangover, which led to another argument.

“I know you miracled away any risk, Crowley. If they don’t have the after effects, how will they learn to either deal with it, or leave off of it altogether? You won’t always be there to protect them from themselves!”

“One time isn’t going to make or break them, Aziraphale!”

“You can’t know that!” Aziraphale stormed into his study and shut the door a bit louder than usual and Crowley hung his head in the kitchen. 

The group headed into the garden to give Aziraphale and Crowley some space.

“You reckon he’d have been upset if he was still, you know …?” Brian was the first to speak up.

“Probably not. I expect he’d have done it himself if he could.” Adam replied. “But, he’s had to learn a lot of things the hard way and change a lot of really long used habits in a short time. He’s got a different perspective.”

“For all the lifetimes they’ve shared, there are things that Crowley will never have to learn that Aziraphale has, and while I’m sure it is frustrating, I’m also sure that it scares and upsets Crowley more than anything else.” Pepper offered. “They are sharing a life, more than before, but they are having vastly different experiences from it. Their paths both came together and diverged at the same time. That can’t be easy.”

They all nodded, each lost in their own thoughts. It wasn’t long before the door to the garden opened behind them.

“Children, I apologize for my outburst. I’m sure Crowley meant well, and I … “ Aziraphale sighed.

“We get it. You don’t have to ... “ Warlock got up and stepped closer to Aziraphale who reached out and gave his hand a squeeze. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“That may be the consensus, but just know that I would feel terrible if I didn’t at least try.” Aziraphale gave a watery smile. “Now, while I believe that breakfast has gone cold, I’m sure we could whip up a tidy brunch, if you are all interested?”

“That sounds great!” Brian was the next to his feet, to the chuckles of everyone, and they all headed inside where Crowley was at the stove. 

He turned to look over at them all, his eyes sad as he looked at Aziraphale. “I’m sorry, duck.”

Aziraphale went to Crowley and stood with him, holding him around the waist. "I love you, my dear." 

Crowley stopped to kiss Aziraphale before tucking him under his arm and continuing to cook. "I love you, too"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading!
> 
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	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving quickly through the years, short glimpses of their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Character deaths in this chapter

Aziraphale nuzzled under Crowley’s chin, kissing his throat. His hands smoothed over his chest and arms, delighting in the feel of Crowley’s skin. His hand dipped lower and Crowley keened.

“You don’t have to … “ Crowley kissed Aziraphale sweetly, his hands roaming over his body as well.

“I am aware, but I do enjoy it so.” Aziraphale straddled Crowley’s hips, slowly grinding. Sex was still very enjoyable, even if his body had started having issues as he passed what was on his papers as his sixty-fifth birthday. The first ten years or so had been amusing in the children’s calling it his fifth or sixth birthday, but they had stopped after they were all twenty, and he had been grateful.

“And what would you enjoy tonight, duck?” Crowley always kept his own physical reactions in check until Aziraphale told him what he wanted to do. He wouldn’t hurt or disappoint Aziraphale for anything. And seeing Crowley aroused, if he wasn’t able to do anything, would have hurt Aziraphale terribly.

Aziraphale carefully rolled his hips and Crowley felt Aziraphale’s erection rubbing against him. He gripped Aziraphale’s hips and allowed himself to reciprocate. “I would like it very much if you were to make love to me, darling.”

Crowley grinned and pulled Aziraphale closer, kissing him. “Your wish is my pleasure.”

~~~~~

“Why didn’t you have a ceremony, though?” Warlock was a bit put out that they’d apparently gotten married, if the new rings were anything to go by, without telling anyone.

“We preferred not to have any sort of ceremony. Whether you believe it or not, certain types of things still garner a bit of attention upstairs. And inviting the Almighty to oversee and Bless a union isn’t exactly high on our list of acceptable risks. Messages go through the Metatron, and I’d hate for him to notify anyone else.” Aziraphale addressed the group kindly. “I believe rings will do just fine, I don’t need to announce to God my love of Crowley, She is quite aware, I assure you.”

“Yep, just bought the rings to make it look better on the outside. Village gets gossipy. Seventy year old man and his sugar baby.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes fondly at the comment. “Indeed. And it was a long time coming, twenty years isn’t it?”

“Only twenty? Sure we don’t need a zero or two on that?” Crowley smirked as Aziraphale laughed.

“Quite.” Aziraphale looked at the clock as he moved to serve tea. “Anathema and Newt aren’t usually this late, has anyone heard from them?”

The, well, they were hardly children anymore but, the children all shook their heads and pulled out phones looking for messages. They enjoyed their afternoon catching up before all heading to various guest areas to turn in for the night.

Aziraphale changed into his pajamas and carefully got into the bed, which had been lowered after a recent hip surgery. He scooted in and allowed himself to be wrapped in Crowley’s arms. “It isn’t like them to not call to cancel.”

“We will figure it out tomorrow, duck.”

Aziraphale nodded as Crowley kissed his head. He fell asleep with a smile.

~~

Their guests hadn’t come out yet, but Aziraphale had heard them moving about and so had started preparing breakfast. Crowley had kissed him and grabbed the coffee that Aziraphale had prepared for him before heading out the back door. Aziraphale had some simple eggs and toast ready, alongside a jar of homemade jam. He had just set the kettle on when the phone rang.

“Fell and Crowley residence, Aziraphale speaking … Yes, this is- … Oh … Oh, my dear, I’m- … yes, yes of course we will attend … please, don’t hesitate to reach out … “ He set the phone on the counter, shellshocked, and reached for a chair. He looked out the window and called for Crowley and the others.

~~

A month later, Crowley, Aziraphale, and the others sat solemnly at the memorial for Newt and Anathema. After an appropriate amount of time, condolences were offered to their mothers before they all slipped away. It had been a collision, and luckily, neither had suffered. The same couldn’t be said for the many humans, and one demon, who mourned them.

~~~~~

Aziraphale’s seventy-fifth birthday was a quiet affair, with those who he considered family. Crowley, Warlock, Adam, Pepper, Brian, and Wensleydale. They each had their own families, or the intention of one, but came alone. They had all always started relationships with serious conversations that there was just this one thing that they couldn’t share with them, and all of their families and significant others had been surprisingly supportive over the years. 

Aziraphale was using a cane these days, but was still stubborn, insisting on doing many things himself. He was still bright and caring, intelligent and generous. Crowley was gracious at the many visitors Aziraphale would have in their home, and drove him to many outings as well. He would deny Aziraphale nothing. 

He snarked for a whole two days about wearing the scarf that Aziraphale had knitted for him, and then for an additional three when Aziraphale offered to take it back and give it to someone else. Aziraphale knew that Crowley would wear the scarf no matter what, but he did so enjoy listening to him rant in his gentle and witty way. 

“Careful, wily creature, or the next one I knit will be orange.”

The gasp could have won stage awards. “Aziraphale, you evil duck! They’ll take away your ‘Nicest Man in the Village’ certificate for that!”

“Doubtful, they would all know it was well earned, my dear.”

“Lucky I love you.”

“Indeed, I am, darling. And I love you.”

~~~~~

Crowley had driven Aziraphale to a few meetings at the church. He knew that Aziraphale was making plans and arrangements, and while it hurt, he kept his mouth shut and simply helped Aziraphale with whatever he needed. 

Aziraphale’s cane was upgraded to a walker soon after turning eighty, despite Crowley offering, rather seriously, to carry him anywhere he wanted to go. Aziraphale always chuckled at the offer before making his way slowly around the room. 

Aziraphale slid his walker closer as he hauled himself upright with a grunt. He felt quick footsteps heading his way and reached up to adjust his hearing aid. 

“Why didn’t you call me, duck? Don’t do things like this yourself, please.” Crowley’s face came into focus as he came into the room, arms outstretched to steady the walker.

“Crowley, love, I can’t let you do everything for me. When have I ever?” His eyes were a lovely blue today, and crinkling with a smile. “And don’t bring up Paris again. I’ve told you time and again that it was a ruse.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Crowley gave a chuckle and small smile at the old argument. “So, what d’you feel like today?”

They’d been making their way to the sitting room and Aziraphale stopped in the doorway a moment. “I think, would you take me for a drive, my dear? Perhaps the bakery has those apple tarts you’re fond of.”

“Of course we can.” Crowley changed direction to the front door and grabbed a new CD and Aziraphale’s favorite cardigan before they made their way to the Bentley. 

Soft classical music played as Crowley made his way to the bakery, bringing Aziraphale inside. The baker and his daughter gave large smiles before putting together a plate of small diabetic friendly pastries and brought them to the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long this was to update. Quite a bit happened, not all bad, but there was a lot of it. That said, there is only one chapter left, and it is almost done as well.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last days.

Aziraphale had celebrated his eighty-seventh birthday a mere few weeks ago, but the village was still finding ways to bring it up again. Aziraphale and Crowley had just returned home from a visit to the senior’s group, who had provided a lovely tea. 

Aziraphale was settled at home under a blanket, in the sitting room, enjoying a fire that was more ambiance than heat. He hummed along with the music as Crowley made him a light lunch. He nodded off just as Crowley came in the room and the demon didn’t have the heart to wake him. A trip to town was a big excursion these days, and it was no surprise that Aziraphale would be exhausted. 

He leaned against the door frame and just looked at him. He was still beautiful. Crowley knew that it was almost over. Aziraphale’s pain would be over, and Crowley’s reason for being would be over. Aziraphale would be livid and broken to hear him say it, Crowley knew, but it was true. He didn’t think that he would be doing anything drastic, but he knew that losing his companion and best friend of over six thousand years was going to destroy him. He’d been a wreck after the bookshop fire, and they’d not even been lovers yet. This was … intolerable in the worst way. In the best way. Because at least he knew that Aziraphale had been happy. As happy as a human could be who was a De-Graced Angel. 

He had only been standing there for about thirty minutes when Aziraphale let out a small sound as he woke up. He looked around, adjusting his glasses before seeing Crowley in the doorway. His smile was as bright as ever. 

“Oh, seem to have nodded off, I’m sorry my dear.” He nestled himself into the chair a bit. “How long was I asleep?”

“Not long. I’ll bring you your tea and maybe some soup? What do you want to read today?” He turned back to the kitchen to get the tray as Aziraphale mumbled something that made him laugh. “Didn’t I just read Hamlet the other day?”

“Oh, did you? I suppose I forgot. That’s alright then. Do you have a suggestion?” Aziraphale hadn’t raised his voice, knowing that Crowley could still hear him from the kitchen.

He came back in, setting the tray on Aziraphale’s table and settling it in place. “Nope, you asked for Hamlet, you tragedy lover. You have to deal with the consequences.”

Aziraphale laughed as he began eating, Crowley reciting next to him on the sofa. Crowley helped with the last few spoons when Aziraphale’s hand shook a bit more than usual. 

~~~~~

The days passed with much the same routine. Breakfast was usually at home in the garden. They would talk about whatever came to mind. Lunch was in the sitting room. They would play chess, have silly arguments, or Crowley would read to him. Supper was wherever Aziraphale was most comfortable that day. Sometimes they’d watch a movie. Aziraphale was often asleep early, and Crowley held him all night until he woke the next day. Crowley hadn’t slept in years, and he didn’t miss it at all, because what he had instead was far more important, and he was terrified to miss anything. 

~~~~~

They were in the sitting room, Crowley was reading to Aziraphale and soft music played in the background.

“Crowley? My dear, could I trouble you?” 

“No, I’m afraid not. You couldn’t be trouble at all.” He gave a soft smirk which made Aziraphale laugh.

“Oh, you wily serpent. No, it’s just … if you wouldn’t mind of course … “ Aziraphale trailed off, almost changing his mind. 

“Ask me anything, duck, it’s yours, you know that.” He stood to clear lunch things away.

“Would you dance with me, love?” Aziraphale's eyes were wide and hopeful as he gazed up at Crowley who was bent close to him as he moved the table. Crowley looked at him with a gentle smile as he started helping his love to his feet. Aziraphale smiled brightly as he was brought into Crowley’s arms, a smile that gave Crowley life.

“When, in over six thousand years, have I ever been able to say no to you?” The demon gathered his husband into his arms and carefully swayed with him. He nosed over the shell of his ear with a grin. “Your magic act doesn’t count.”

“Do you recall, when the waltz came into vogue? Some thought it so gauche, having such simple origins, or even scandalous with all the contact.” Aziraphale rested his head on Crowley’s shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. 

“One of the few good things that came out of the 14th century.” Crowley felt Aziraphale nod and he closed his eyes, kissing and then resting his cheek on the soft white curls.

They danced until the record was over, murmuring to each other about one memory or another. Crowley gently brought Aziraphale back to his chair, tucking his blanket around him before cupping his cheeks and kissing him softly. He felt the soft puff of air that accompanied a smile before pulling away. He took the lunch tray back into the kitchen before coming back with a cup of tea and a few biscuits.

~~~~~

Crowley helped Aziraphale into the bathtub before perching on the side to bathe him. 

“You don’t have to, my dear.” Aziraphale’s voice was weak and tired. “I can move a flannel.”

“And miss out on seeing you covered in bubbles? What kind of lover do you take me for?”

Aziraphale stopped Crowley’s hand as it moved the flannel over his chest. He took it in his and pressed it to his cheek. “I love you, Crowley, so very much.” He reached out and cupped Crowley’s cheek and Crowley turned quickly to drop a kiss on his palm before holding it to his face.

“I love you, Aziraphale. Always, since the first day, until the last day. Not your last day, or mine. _The_ last day.”

Aziraphale nodded, both sad and happy. Crowley leaned forward, bringing their foreheads together before kissing him.

“If I were stronger, I’d pull you in this tub with me, trousers, boots and all.” Aziraphale chuckled. “Just to see you sputter.”

“Careful what you wish for … “ Crowley laughed and slid into the tub, propping himself between Aziraphale’s legs and leaning back against his chest carefully. Aziraphale’s arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders with a happy sigh as he pressed a kiss to the back of Crowley’s head.

“Perfect.”

~~~~~ ~~~~~

**A few weeks later**

“This may be the last time I reach out and speak to You. I know I’ve not done so very often since I Tripped, but I don’t believe I have much time left so I felt I needed to do it now. It pains Crowley so much when I ask him to step out so I may have a bit of privacy, he fears that something will happen while he is gone. I can’t blame him, I can only imagine how beside myself I’d be if our positions were reversed. He is, and has always been, so much stronger than I am, yet he is so afraid now. I can feel it every time I go to sleep, or drop something. He is afraid and I can offer him no comfort anymore. There is no more offering platitudes of having so much time left; he knows it isn’t true, so I’ve stopped pretending. He doesn’t deserve lies, even those of attempted comfort. 

“Crowley would scoff, I am sure, thanking You right now, but I do. Thank You for all of the years I had, both as Your loving Angel, and the years I was given as a human. Thank You for Crowley. From our first day on Earth, he sought to be there for me in one way or another. I know I’ve no right to make requests, but I’d be so relieved to know he’ll be alright when I am gone. He has been such a source of comfort and joy, for so long. And maybe I had to become human in order to finally believe I could allow myself to experience it fully, and if that is the case, I can honestly say I regret nothing. I’m certain he would say the same, with one or two exceptions. 

“I can’t begin to guess what will happen next. I can only hope that things I’ve done with, and during, my human years weren’t a disappointment to You. I can take whatever is next holding that hope in my heart. But, I hope You understand I mean no disrespect when I say that having had Crowley’s love, that is how I will manage what is next. I can weather anything knowing that I have held him, kissed him, loved him. 

“In all, thank You for everything, but most of all, for Crowley. Good-bye, Mother.”

~~

Crowley felt it, there was a change in Aziraphale, and he did his level best not to let it show.

“Do you think the weather will hold for a picnic lunch today, my dear?” Aziraphale was looking out the window to a few dark clouds in the sky with a frown. His breath was shallow but heavy.

“Could do. Where?” Crowley was putting lunch together and turned to pack it up for traveling without a thought.

“Just here. No need to go anywhere when the loveliest garden is right outside my door.” Aziraphale smiled at Crowley before pointing to a shaded patch of the lawn. “Just over there?”

Crowley paused and nodded. They were quiet as Crowley got a picnic blanket and Aziraphale’s lunch together and Crowley brought them out to the lawn, giving Aziraphale a stern look to stay put, not to try walking to follow him. He returned and nodded with a small smile when it was apparent that Aziraphale hadn’t moved from his spot. Crowley carried him out and gently set him on the blanket, leaned against the garden wall. They didn’t chat much, just enjoying the breeze and the sounds around them. 

Aziraphale sighed gently, content, and turned to Crowley. He took a slow, wobbly breath and smiled, dewy eyed. “I love you, Crowley. And while I would have preferred not actually being human, if it was the trade for having you, well … “ 

Crowley reached out, cupping his face gently and kissing him. “Don’t … I can’t … Aziraphale, please … I’m not ready … “ His shoulders shook and their tears mixed on their cheeks as he kissed him again. 

Clear blue eyes blinked slowly and tried to laugh through his tears. “Neither am I, but it isn’t … not up to … us.” His breath became shallower and he leaned closer into Crowley.

He put his arm around Aziraphale and pulled him onto his lap, holding him tightly. A light drizzling rain started. Crowley stretched out his wings and covered them both. His voice was small and lost. “What’ll I do here alone?” 

Aziraphale’s hand weakly gripped Crowley’s jacket. “Anything, my love. You know I’ll be watching. Do it all. For me. For you. … Us.”

Crowley nodded, knowing that it would take a while before he did anything on his own, but he would do or say anything to make Aziraphale happy. His voice dropped to a whisper as Aziraphale’s eyes closed. “I love you … my Angel.”

Aziraphale’s head moved, tilting his face and a small smile graced his lips but his eyes didn’t open. “I love you, Crowley.” 

Crowley felt Aziraphale’s grip weaken as his body became lax in his arms. He gently rocked and Aziraphale’s breathing evened out as he lulled to sleep. The demon held him and quietly recounted memories of their time on Earth as he cried. The sounds of the world around him muted as he sat for hours. The sun began to set.

“But the best one, my most treasured memory … is that I slithered up a garden wall and met an angel. He didn’t hate me or smite me. And he covered me with his wing during the first rain.” Eyebrows twitched and another small smile was seen before a long, slow breath was released from the fragile human. Muscles relaxed, Crowley reached out and gripped Aziraphale’s wrist, not allowing his grip to completely fall from his jacket. “And by some miracle, I was allowed to cover him with mine, for his last rain.” 

The demon openly sobbed as he held what remained of the angel on Earth.

~~

The next day, the knitting ladies arrived for their weekly meet-up and were concerned when no one answered the bell. One of them edged their way into the garden, and they had a fright as they thought they saw a winged creature let out a snarling hiss, like an animal protecting their den from a predator. They blinked and the creature was gone, only their snarky but harmless neighbor looking up at them, his face slack with grief. 

“He’s gone.”

~~~~~

Crowley could remember every waking moment he’d been alive since the Fall, but the next days passed in a haze. 

There were certain things that Aziraphale had prepared, human things that couldn’t be avoided. As much as he wanted to do things his own way and not have to go through a funeral or anything so mortal, he loved Aziraphale too much to remove his memory from anyone. He had to deal with Aziraphale’s community of friends coming in to console him when all he wanted to do was … he didn’t even know. He didn’t want to sleep, looking at the books all over their home caused a burning in his throat, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to step into the garden again. He wasn’t surprised that everything, everything, reminded him of Aziraphale, but he was stunned nonetheless. The medication bottles, clothing, foods in the kitchen, thousands of years represented in little knick-knacks. He was both bereft and overwhelmed by how present his missing love was. 

Crowley was quiet when the local pastor came to the house. Aziraphale had prepared for this as well, of course. The pastor understood that while Aziraphale and Crowley were good men, kind and generous, and both believers (Crowley just non-content), neither of them were for the church as a building. In preparing for this, Aziraphale had instead asked that his memorial be held in their home, and the pastor had come to make arrangements. He offered to wait until after the cremains had been returned, but Crowley asked to do it sooner. 

“Aziraphale had asked me to share something, Anthony, meant only for you, not as part of the service.”

Crowley looked up, confused, empty. The pastor took his hand in his own and looked at him with solemn joy. 

_“These hearts were woven of human joys and cares,  
Washed marvelously with sorrow, swift to mirth.  
The years had given them kindness. Dawn was theirs,  
And sunset, and the colors of the earth._

_These had seen movement, and heard music; known  
Slumber and waking; loved; gone proudly friended;  
Fell the quick stir of wonder; sat alone;  
Touched flowers and furs and cheeks. All this is ended.*”_

“Aziraphale never really said how long you’d been together. I believe his phrase was ‘from time immemorial’. He always gave the impression that he’d never seen or experienced anything without you. I hope you know that he is taking all of that with him into the next world.” Crowley didn’t have it in him to get into a discussion, so he simply nodded and took his hand back to fish out one of Aziraphale’s handkerchiefs. 

“There is one more.

_“If I should die and leave you here awhile,  
Be not like others, sore undone, who keep  
Long vigil by the silent dust and weep.  
For my sake turn to life and smile,  
Nerving thy heart and trembling hand to do  
Something to comfort weaker hearts than thine.  
Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine,  
And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.”**_

The pastor reached out and squeezed his hand, and offered a few more words before taking his leave. He politely ignored the growled sob and sound of thrown glass as he closed the door behind him.

~~~~~

The day arrived, and members of the community came out to help set up the garden for the service. The garden was filled, and neighbors had offered standing room in their own gardens for those who didn’t fit. The time came that the pastor had planned to begin but Crowley hadn’t come out yet. A group of five, four men and a woman, who were recognized as frequent visitors to their household over the years though not well known to the community, went inside to bring him out and he was mutely led to a seat in the back, close to the door. The pastor nodded and began speaking. 

“Neighbors, I can’t begin to describe how honored, and heartbroken, I am to stand in front of you to talk about Aziraphale Fell. He has been our friend, everyone’s friend, from the moment he and Anthony came to the village. A kind word and a smile was freely offered to everyone. He was a member of our community who could be counted on for anything. He was both the one to man the bake sale, and to taste test everything offered, and probably the one to buy and take most of it home as well.” He smiled and there was a titter of sad chuckles. “Aziraphale made himself an enthusiastic part of every group he came into contact with. The book club, the walking group, he wanted to be a part of everything. I believe joining the yarn circle was a big surprise for everyone, yet thinking back, it really shouldn’t have been. I myself was gifted one of his knitted jumpers, and despite it never fitting right, you’ll never find me without it in cooler days. You could feel the care he put into everything he did, and the joy he had from seeing others happy. He had a radiance about him, that you couldn’t help but feel better just being near him. We will all miss him. His wit, his magic tricks, his quoting of stories most of us had never heard of before. He did nothing selfishly, giving at all times, and we are all better off having known him.

“Our community mourns, we have lost a friend like no other, and Heaven has gained an angel.”

There was a sudden sound of activity, the back door slamming before Crowley’s chair even hit the ground. A mournful scream was heard from inside before all fell silent again. The five who had been nearest to him looked at each other sadly as they righted his chair and followed him into the cottage. The pastor waited until the door shut behind them before continuing the service. 

~~~~~

The pastor made his way into the house carefully after the last mourner had left and found Crowley gripping a half empty bottle of wine as he slouched in the chair closest to the fireplace. Another bottle was empty on the floor. The five were sitting with him, quietly talking around him. 

“Everything has been cleared away, Anthony, I thought you’d want to know.” Crowley didn’t even turn his head before grunting an acknowledgement. “This was left with me for safekeeping. Aziraphale asked me to give it to you.”

He handed him an envelope. Heavy stock with a wax seal. The wax seal was a careful mix of black and white, with wings curving along the edges, a snake coiled around a sword in the center. Crowley looked up, dried tear tracks snaking over his cheeks. He nodded and whispered a thank you. The pastor clasped his hand before giving his shoulder a squeeze and seeing himself out, carefully shutting the door.

The demon looked at those left behind. “Don’t you lot think you ought to be getting home? Families will be missing you. Loved ones and all that.” His voice broke a little, but the others were kind enough to ignore it.

Adam stood up, and the others followed suit. “I know we’re just humans, but you know where to find us if you need to talk.”

“To someone who knows, we mean.” Warlock added. The standard farewells were heard as they all made their way out and the door dutifully locked behind them.

Crowley turned the envelope over and over in his hand, still drinking straight from the bottle. How drunk did he need to be to open it? But didn’t Aziraphale deserve him not being drunk to read it? He groaned and put the bottle down. He didn’t completely sober up, but he made an effort to do a little. He carefully slid his finger under the seal so it wouldn’t break and pulled out the heavy paper. Aziraphale’s handwriting came into view and Crowley closed his eyes to take a deep breath before starting to read.

_“My Beloved Crowley,”_

Crowley took another deep breath. “Had to start with a punch like that. Course you did.”

_“I hope I got to say all of these things to you before I passed on. You deserve to have heard it in my voice, not only reading it here. I can only imagine how terrible today was for you, I hope you received some measure of comfort. I promise you, anyone who chose to attend weren’t only there for me, my dear. They all know and consider you a friend as well. I hope you keep that in mind._

_“Crowley, for all my enjoyment of the written word, I can’t properly express how much I love you. I enjoyed your company for millenia, I cared for you and became fond of you for centuries. Then I loved you. Years later that love turned into adoration. I have cherished our time together since Armageddon. You, above anyone, have been my rock for far longer than I’ve been able or willing to admit it. My most present and loyal friend and companion. Even without the events following Armageddon, I would never have had enough time to make up to you my own failings over the years, or repay you for all you have done for me._

_”I know you took on so much blame, and unjustly so. Neither of us were to blame for how events unfolded. I adore you, my demon. You gave up and endured so much for me in the last few decades. I know you’ve brushed away my begging for forgiveness when I’ve been frustrated, or in pain, taking it out on the one being in my life who never deserved a harsh word from me. Did I truly deserve your devotion? I know your answer, and I can only hope that I truly did earn it._

_”I love you so completely it takes my breath away. The number of times over the years that I was able to simply gaze at you, you are so beautiful. Inside and out, regardless of how you snap and deny it. My first feeling when I awake is joy, knowing that the first thing I will see when I open my eyes is you. My first thought is wondering what our day will entail, together. The first thing I feel is your arms around me. That gentle reminder that I am allowed, and encouraged, to kiss you anytime I like, gives me feelings indescribable every time. And of course, in my younger years, to enjoy more carnal activities as well. My first and only love and lover. We learned so many things together, each better than the last. You brought so much happiness into every day, it was overwhelming how much love you have to give._

_”You are so extraordinary. I fear I am repeating myself, yet I will never be able to say I love you too many times. You gave me new life. From the moment I met you, I was a new and different being. I was changed for the better, whether you like to believe it or not._

_”I am sure that I’ve said many times over the years, but I remind you again. Do what you will with anything material that I’ve not rehomed already. They don’t matter anymore, and I am sure you won’t enjoy having them around you as reminders._

_”My goodness, this is so difficult to write. A single letter. I wish I didn’t have to write it as much as I imagine you don’t wish to read it. Even now, I am so upset with myself for wasting time writing it when I could be home with you, in your arms. I love you, so dearly. For decades it has been almost painful how excited my heart gets just from being near you. My beautiful demon._

_”Now it is time to reveal a secret, my love. You’ll find in the study, the box I always begged you not to open. I have written books, darling. Thoughts, poetry, memories. They are for you._

_”My darling, beautiful, adored serpent. However I went, know that my last thoughts will have been of you. I love you._

_”Your devoted companion, friend, husband, lover …_

_”Your angel,_

_”Aziraphale”_

“ _My life closed twice before its close;_  
 _It yet remains to see_  
 _If Immortality unveil_  
 _A third event to me,_  
 _So huge, so hopeless to conceive,_  
 _As these that twice befell._  
 _Parting is all we know of heaven,_  
 _And all we need of hell._ ”

There was a complex signature beneath it, a language from before time. Crowley was somewhat surprised Aziraphale had still been able to write it. He quickly expended a miracle to preserve the letter, clearing away the tears which had fallen on the pages. The pages were carefully folded and put back in the envelope. He picked up the bottle again and finished it, summoning a bottle of Talisker from the cellar. 

~~~~~

Crowley stiffly stood by as the workers from the charity took away the boxes for donation. Some clothing, books, small items that were no longer needed. There were some items that he refused to part with, preserving them in the wardrobe or on bookshelves. He didn’t want to let any of it go, he never wanted to see any of it again. He spent the next weeks reading the books that Aziraphale had written, journals really, and dealing with concerned neighbors. He was overwhelmed with casseroles, pastries, offers to help pack Aziraphale’s things, offers to drink, asking if he wanted help doing anything around the house, flowers. He slowly vanished the foods in a manner that reasonably suggested he was eating, but he hadn’t eaten since The Picnic. 

It had been three months and Crowley hadn’t left the house, had done no more than open the door when required. He was at the crossroads of wanting to be nowhere near this place, and wanting to never leave. Unable to deal with being surrounded by an absent person, and yet unwilling to break free. 

A knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts and he glared in its direction waiting for whoever it was to leave. The bell was rung next. Persistent, he had to give it to them, but he didn’t move.

“Crowley, I know you’re in there, and I know where Aziraphale left the spare key, I was just being polite by giving warning.” Crowley grunted and lazily flicked a finger at the door, revealing Warlock on the other side. 

“What do you want?” There was no heat behind Crowley’s words.

“Guess you don’t know what day it is then. You missed my birthday party last weekend. And Adam’s, but he wasn’t as interested in coming out and giving you a hard time for it.”

The demon groaned and slunk down in his chair. “Didn’t mean to, Hellspawn. I’ll make it up to you.” 

“Yeah, you will, but not now. We didn’t expect you to show. Well, Brian did, but he’s a bit of a clueless optimist.” Crowley huffed a laugh as he vaguely gestured for Warlock to sit down.

“So, are you the sacrificial lamb, come to take one for the team, kick my ass around?” Crowley took a sip out of whatever bottle was in reach.

“Nope. I’m just a delivery boy apparently.” Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You missed my birthday. But Aziraphale didn’t.”

Crowley jerked and swore as he spilled wine over his chin. He surged forward, pointing an angry finger in Warlock’s face. “Don’t. Whatever you’re playi-”

“I’m not. Dammit, Crowley, you know that. None of us would. Doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” Warlock pulled out a thick envelope and Crowley swallowed. “Just sit back and listen, ok?” 

Crowley nodded, gripping the bottle to his chest as a sheaf of Aziraphale’s favorite paper was pulled out of the envelope, and closed his eyes as Warlock began to read. 

_“My Dear Master Warlock, I am terribly sorry to have missed your birthday, but it was inevitable to happen sooner or later. I do hope you and the others had a pleasant day of it. I feel terrible asking you for anything on your birthday, however I fear I must, although I do hope I am wrong. I hope that Crowley was able to attend the celebration, and this letter becomes a curious conversation piece instead of a request. But, if Crowley hasn’t found his way to attend, I humbly ask that you could see your way to sending along the letter I’ve included inside. I trust that you won’t read it, as much as I trust that you’ll understand why I had to ask you to carry out this task instead of one of your contemporaries. Please take care of yourself and your family, my dear child, and pass along my well wishes to Adam and the others, as well. Thank you so very much. With love, Aziraphale.”_

Crowley was still for a few moments, before opening his eyes and offering Warlock the bottle. Warlock accepted it, trading it for a smaller envelope with Crowley’s name on it. Warlock took a moderate sip from the bottle as he watched Crowley play with the envelope, lightly running his fingers over the wax seal. “So, why me instead of one of the others?”

“Because I like the others, care about them some.” Crowley looked up, and Warlock was treated to a glimpse of Crowley’s eyes instead of lenses. “But I love you, Hellspawn. And at the risk of stroking my ego, you love me too. The others, we got to know each other over the years, but Aziraphale and I raised you. That’s why.”

Warlock nodded. “Yeah, fair enough. Kinda what I figured.”

They sat quietly, sharing the last of the wine before Warlock made his way to the kitchen, talking about food. A short hunt later and the human had dinner in front of him, and they made inconsequential small talk until he was finished. He cleared away his dishes and came back to the sitting room, leaning in the doorway to watch Crowley fiddle with the envelope again. He stepped closer and held out his arms in offer. Crowley looked up at him before nodding silently and standing up to embrace him. He held himself a bit stiffly, before giving Warlock an awkward pat on the back and stepping away. 

“If you decide to disappear, for whatever reason, I get it. Just … can you give me a chance to say goodbye first if you do?” Crowley looked at him, slightly surprised before nodding and agreeing. “Right. Well, I’m off then. Take care, Crowley.”

~~~~~

The envelope sat for over a day on Aziraphale’s chair, Crowley trying to pluck up the courage to open it. He swore and Blessed himself as a coward that he was afraid of Aziraphale’s last words for him. Finally, he reached out and carefully popped under the seal to not break it. This was a much shorter letter than the first. 

_”My Darling Crowley,_

_”I truly hope that you never get to read this. If you do, that means that not only am I gone, but that you have withdrawn from those we care about. I know that this is terrible for you. I can only imagine. I would apologize, but that would only serve to upset you, so just know that my sorrow mirrors your own, even if it can’t come close to matching it. I don’t ask that you not mourn, of course I don’t, but please, do not let a mourner become all you are._

_”My beloved demon, I beg you not to stagnate now. If you stay in our home too long, you’ll atrophy, and I would never want that for you. Even with your mischievous streak, you are so clever and still have so much to offer the world. Please keep moving. All those places we didn’t get to, go there. Tell me about them. I know it is cliche, but I’ll be with you. Please know that. If it is at all possible, I will be. I love you, I am leaving my heart with you, please keep going._ ‘Complete these dear unfinished tasks of mine, And I, perchance, may therein comfort you.’

_”Gone I may be, but forever I will be your angel,_

_”Aziraphale”_

Crowley zipped a miracle around the letter, and curled under Aziraphale’s favorite blanket to cry.

~~~~~

_Hellspawn,_

_I have no idea where I’m going, but I can’t stay here. Tell the others goodbye. Not now, but someday, I’ll come find you for a proper goodbye like you wanted._

_Crowley_

~~~~~

Crowley appeared in the quiet bedroom, the only sounds coming from monitors, taking readings. 

“You know, when you said ‘someday’, I didn’t expect you meant ‘over thirty years’. I can’t even enjoy annoying you properly now.” Warlock huffed out a laugh. “At least you got me before I died.”

“I lost track of time, doing evil demon things.” Crowley made a face as Warlock laughed again.

“D’you even know what evil demon things are?” Crowley shrugged. “Thought not. So, be honest with me. Afterlife. Is that real? Like I know there are obviously angels and demons, but every human who ever lived, wandering around?”

“Yup. I don’t know how it works Upstairs, if everyone gets their own cloud or something. Downstairs … well, it’s supposed to be unpleasant, and it is.”

“Fair enough. How have you been?”

Crowley looked at him dryly. “Tickety-boo.”

Warlock nodded. “Sounds right. Any plans for the future?”

“Nope, no point to it. I just … make my way around. Watch. Wait.”

“Adam and I, we’ve had a few dreams over the years, felt real. Said you hadn’t slept since before, well. Before. Is that true?”

“Yeah, I’m not interested in giving my subconscious free reign for hours or more. Aziraphale didn’t sleep for thousands of years, no reason I can’t do the same.”

“Maybe give it another try. Just a thought.”

Crowley grunted noncommittally. “I’ll think about it.”

“Any truth to reincarnation? Maybe … “

“Don’t.” Crowley scrubbed his hands over his face and dropped into a chair close to the bed. “I get it, you’re trying to be _nice_ and helpful. But don’t. Because even if he was, d’you have any idea how many people are on this planet? And more born every day? That I’d have to go hunt for him, feeling out billions of people? And then, if by some miracle I did find him and even more was allowed to be part of his life again, then I’d have to watch him die again? Over and over and over? Would you wish that on me?”

Warlock looked down at his hands. “No, I guess that was a dumb idea.”

“Not dumb, Hellspawn … just … incomplete.” 

The two sat in a silence that wasn’t necessarily uncomfortable, but also, just a bit awkward. 

“Look, I don’t know when you’ll go, but I know you’re headed Upstairs. Just … find him?”

“I will.”

They sat a bit longer before Crowley said his goodbyes, complete with a kiss to Warlock’s forehead. “Bye, Hellspawn. Love you.”

~~~~~

Crowley made short visits to each of the children before they passed. But it wasn’t long before he was the last being on Earth who remembered Aziraphale. 

Every once in a while, he could swear he smelled Aziraphale’s favorite cologne on the breeze, but it was always some human wearing a similar scent. He refused to sleep, afraid of nightmares, and that he would subconsciously decide to sleep forever. 

Crowley never removed his ‘wedding’ ring, and had Aziraphale’s pinky ring on a chain around his neck. He jingled when he walked, courtesy of a gold pocket watch. He was always wearing something that had a very distinct and unique tartan pattern. 

Most importantly, to him at least, was that he never broke his last promise to his best friend, lover, husband, and angel. He went to all the places, new and old, that they’d been to together, or should have been able to visit together. He never stopped. 

And he never planned to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Excerpts from “The Dead” by Rupert Brooke
> 
> **Leavetaking by Mary Lee Hill
> 
> *** Parting by Emily Dickenson
> 
> This story started in a dream, and it was only the beginning and the end. I tried to not write it because it wasn't a happy ending. I have such a hard time with angst, but this one got its hooks in me. I am so sorry it took so long to complete. As much as I wanted to write it, I didn't want to at the same time. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts, this was a beast for me, and I truly need you to share with me. 
> 
> You are welcome to come yell at me on Twitter and tumblr as well!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Quefish77)   
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